Moonlight Kisses

what shadows hide

jordyn.

The relief that washes over me when I see my house is empty is unmatched. Bless Grant for keeping Kat longer than she anticipated. She's over an hour late, which is all the more better for me.

Sorrow hits me just as hard. As much as I want to, I can't simply just welcome Beau inside and keep our day going. We're already running on a thin wire just by being out and about 2 days in a row. I don't want to make it worse by inviting him inside and have my parents or my sister show up unexpectedly.

And I know it's not just me. Beau's usual unreadable expression is wiped away by a gloomy dull look that I can't help but be reassured by. At first I thought whatever need I was feeling was just me, but after today, I was sure of the opposite. Taking me somewhere solely because he knew I would love it, making me feel comfortable in situations where I usually would feel myself recoil back into my mind, putting his fears and doubts aside for me. After today, I know I'm helping him overcome some part of himself the same way he's doing for me.

The hardest part is going our separate ways. Going about our lives like this doesn't exist. Coming back to our individual bedrooms to sit in silence and to let all of our fears consume us. Acting like what we're doing here means nothing. With my whole heart I can say his efforts mean something, way more than I expected. I'm not saying I love him, but I am saying I love the way he makes me feel.

And maybe I like him a little more too.

Of course I won't say that to him face to face. For the fear of the feeling not being reciprocated will always be blinking at the back of my mind.

Before I step out of the car, I'm stopped by Beau's hand gripping my wrist. An electric shock rushes up my arm, but I swallow it back down before he can notice a sudden change. "Wait," he says.

I turn back to him, not being able to mask the excitement lighting up my whole face. A month ago, I would have ridiculed myself for acting so desperate, but she wouldn't have understood what it meant to have someone who silenced her mind the way nothing or no one could. "Yeah?" I say in a shaky tone, trying my hardest to not pounce on him.

There's no hesitation or fear in his voice, only a solid decision he's made. "Go pack a bag."

Inhaling sharply, I wrap my head around what he's asking of me. He wants me to spend the night with him. There's nothing accidental or coincidental about this decision. It's planned. He wants me there with him just as much as I want him here with me. Beau's not very vocal when it comes to the things his mind and body are feeling, which is why this solidifies yet another part of my heart that's fallen into his hands.

"What?" I ask dumbfoundedly. It isn't like him to make requests like this, so softly and almost in fear. Whenever he wants something, he's heavily adamant about it and will not rest until he gets it. His demands are met with a harshness that isn't present in his tone right now.

He nods toward my house. "Go pack a bag, we're going back to our spot." Our spot. Not the spot. It's our spot. Like we claimed it that night with our words and with our actions. It's no longer the spot he went to to get away from the world, his secret spot to clear his head. It's our spot, the spot we used to get away from the world just so we could consume our minds in one another.

"Okay," I nod. I managed to keep my pace cool and collected up to my doorstep. Once I open the door and slam it behind me, the same can't be said for the way I sprint upstairs to my bedroom.

I toss a simple black backpack onto my bed and empty out any of the old contents onto my bed, not giving a shit where they all land. Unlike 2 nights ago, it's pretty warm, not at all like your typical winter evening. That could change as the sun starts to go down, but that's a problem I'll deal with then. I grab a pair of high-waisted denim shorts and a simple light gray t-shirt and lay them out on my bed. Still sprinting like I was being timed, I make my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth and redo my bun that got progressively messier throughout the day before throwing my brush, toothbrush, and toothpaste into the front pocket of my bag with a small bottle of water just in case.