Moonlight Kisses

two days

tw: substance abuse

no perspective.

Since the beginning, they knew the damning would arise.

The suffering.

The misery.

The grief.

They lived in the perpetual understanding that what they were diving head first into would suck them under. Drown them if it could. You'd either sink or swim. To swim, they would've had to close themselves off. Treat the other person as if they were just as much a part of the cruel universe as their pasts. Or they could sink, fall in surrender to one another, risk everything by airing out the things they'd been accustomed to hiding. Give into their feelings, their thoughts, their hearts.

To sink or to swim.

They chose to sink.

Down.

Down.

Down.

So far down, the traces of light couldn't be found. All around them had been darkness. The thing he wanted to keep her away from. The thing she wouldn't come to know until she met him. Little did either of them know, it was the darkness that killed them. Not the fact that they chose sink over swim.

Down.

Down.

Down.

Not very many people get to see rock bottom. Some people who spend most of their ephemeral lives there won't know what it's like to fall so hard from a saving grace. You won't know it until it hits you. One minute you feel like you're soaring above the clouds, your fingertips barely brushing over the pearly gates of heaven. Suddenly, you fall without any warning. Sometimes it's a gradual thing. Most of the time it's just splat, you meet rock bottom in an instant. The agony of the fall overtakes you. Making your body too weak to rise from its place. You get to a point where you start to think, Maybe it'll be easier to just lie here. The climb is harder than the fall. Which is why some never make it back up to the top.

That's what it felt like for them. Minutes turned to hours. Hours turned to days. Days turned to weeks. Time slows when you're at rock bottom. As you're lying on your back, looking at the sky high horizons of above, you slowly lose the hope of ever being able to attain that again. Hope is like a concept too good to be true. Hope is only something worth having if you're at the top, soaring with the rest. They went through their days, their nights, stifling the hope that tried to break through. Closing their eyes when all they wanted to see was darkness. Breathing just to make sure they weren't as dead as they felt.

The nights were the worst. Before each other, nights were a time where they could numb the memories that came up out of silence. They'd given a whole new meaning to it. Together, they spent their nights creating new memories. Only to want those memories gone when the darkness became too much for them.

Down.

Down.

Down.

They kept their curtains shut for the next three nights. It would've become a fourth, but then everything had to go and change. Another challenge fell into their laps. They either lay there for the rest of their lives or they climb up.

But for now, they kept their curtains shut. Careful not to let a sliver of moonlight into the darkness.

Down...

jordyn.

Four white walls never pissed me off so much.

I thought it'd be easier to stay here and avoid everything going on outside. I'd spent too much of my life on the outside. Trudging my way through hardships and struggles. Through hot and cold. The outside was dangerous.