Moonlight Kisses

our future

"Go faster," I order.

I feel Beau lean forward, nestling his chin where my neck meets my shoulder. "You sure?" He holds me tightly to his chest, never for a second letting go.

I grip the steering wheel harder, letting out a deep sigh. "Yeah, I'm sure," I say with clarity. His foot applies more pressure to the gas pedal. Here we are again, back on the open road. Driving again was hard at first, each time was filled with anxiety and memories that flooded my mind as soon as I went to grip the gearshift to set the car in motion. Gradually, it got easier. Granted, I was only doing half the work, but it was better than doing all of it all at once. Sitting comfortably in his lap worked for me, coaxed those thoughts out of my mind so I could relearn something I never thought I could do again so soon. After only a few weeks of this, I've gotten to a point where I'm the one pushing him to do more, which says a lot in regards to how I was in the beginning.

"Oh come on," I groan, looking at the red dial hovering between 30 and 35, "My nana back home drives faster than this."

My skin tingles at the faint kiss he places at the back of my neck. Still brushing his lips over my now goosebump-covered skin, he murmurs with a smile, "I doubt that."

"I've seen you go 120 miles an hour," I call him out snarkily, "don't act like going a third of that is going to kill us."

~

"Calm down, Jo. A little speed won't kill you," Beau says nonchalantly as he pulls onto the freeway, just barely missing the impact with another car in front of us.

"Slow down, this isn't funny." My eyes frantically shift between the cars we miss hitting by a sliver of space and the cars ahead of us that are already moving out of the way to avoid us. With my chest heaving like my lungs are on the verge of bursting, I've made it clear to him that this isn't as amusing as he's taking it and instead he's chosen to disregard that and press the gas pedal harder.

"Don't distract me while I'm driving, Jo," Beau mocks.

"Seriously slow the fuck down!"

~

That must've been only―what? A mere three months ago? His cruelty to me was unreal, I'm surprised we got to this point if I'm truly being honest. Only because I have a short circuit when it comes to people like him, people who are mean for no apparent reason. If I hadn't known the side to him I know today, we never could've had this. Each other.

We're going 50 now. Eventually, we hit 60 and I cut it off there. These driving sessions only last about a half hour if I can get that far and lately we've only been on these empty roads beside the vegetation fields outside of L.A.. I'm significantly more comfortable with the car now than I was before, but being back on the crowded city streets is a whole other obstacle I'm not yet ready to face.

I just know Beau's going to be there every step of the way. Not with me in his lap of course, but as long as he's beside me, I could ask for no more. Internally, I've always felt like he's done so much more for me than I've done for him. Day after day he reassures me with words that I saved him, while he was merely helping me. To that I always said that he saved me too.

It only held partial truth. He couldn't save me from something I couldn't even remember. He can remember every gruesome detail of his past, moments I still have yet to find out about. Me, on the other hand, pushed all of it away. I can't remember if my past was bad or good. If I needed saving from it. Could he have really saved me? Neither of us know.