Moonlight Kisses

nuestro amor

Tonight's a night of immense progress. I can just feel it.

It starts off great so far. I managed to set aside my insecurities for a night. Convince my chaotic mind that I'm dressing for myself and the only person who'll be close enough to see the scars on my thighs is him. From the past I know he wouldn't do anything but call them beautiful, as with every other part of my body. The skirt covers the vast majority of my thighs, but my boots don't come up high enough to cover up the entirety of my scars. I was well aware of that when I changed into this outfit and held myself up to the mirror in front of me. I'd breathed, told myself that things were going to be okay, and that this was a step in the right direction. Letting my insecurities go.

Then there were the necklaces. A signifying pair of items in our relationship. One that meant love and now, new beginnings. When he first gifted them to me, it was the first time we said 'I love you'. From there on out we were allowed to explore what life was like with that dynamic. Where we weren't unsure if we were dating, or talking, or messing around. We were in love. It was for certain. Up until today, we were caught up in that awkward gray area. Where we knew we wanted to give things another shot but had no clue how to even begin. We had talked about things, but not fully. I promised him I would be honest with him for everything from here on out, he promised to work on the way he talks to me when we fight. As to going about those things, we had no idea what we were doing. Until the giant leap of faith we took with those necklaces. It was his way of acceptance, my way of earning his forgiveness.

And it hasn't stopped there. Since I was on this whole spoiling-him-rotten speel, I took the keys to his car and drove it myself. At the back of my mind, it was through the means of a precaution. The last time we were in a car together, he sped up and put us at great risk, regardless of my numerous pleas. I know he wouldn't have done that to me tonight. For one, I haven't pissed him off just yet. And two, he feels awfully guilty about how he responded to my actions. Which, I'll admit, were severe but it's nothing I hadn't seen coming. To have control, I drove us there myself. Another milestone crossed.

The hardest thing of all was choosing where we'd go. Usually I'd rely on him to pick where we eat out and as long as it's not seafood, I'll happily trail along. While I was doing my hair earlier, I found this quaint steakhouse close to the beach, probably about ten minutes down the coastline from our spot. Driving there required me to go on the freeway, but Beau and I both know I'm not ready for that just yet. I've yet to get used to being in a car alone, much less driving at 65 miles an hour.

Progress is progress.

I hand him my phone to connect to the bluetooth in his car. I warned him not to play any dumb crap and the very first thing he plays has my eyes rolling noticeably. I hear the familiar beat and instantly groan, "You're never going to get over this, are you?" I chuckle, Arabella blasting in the background.

He shakes his head firmly, smiling in amusement. "Fuck no. This is iconic." He leans forward to turn the volume up a few notches louder. Slapping his hand away from the black knob, I put it back down to its original volume. Or at least low enough to where I can hear a word he says and the bass isn't shaking the fuck out of the car.

"No, you're just an ass," I shake my head with a laugh. Still keeping focused on the road ahead, I've kept up our conversation to ease my nerves. Some people, having others talk to them while they drive makes them even more anxious. With me, it's the exact opposite. I could have four people screaming at me from all sides and it's still notably better than driving in silence.

It's a lot better than having my thoughts race. It's why I can never be alone.

Without me realizing, Beau reaches his arm across the center console and rests his hand on my bare thigh. I squirm, not uncomfortable by his touch, but with the strange feeling it elicits from the pit of my stomach. It's nothing I haven't experienced before, but it's something about our fresh start that makes everything feel brand now. Like we're doing things for the first time all over again. The nervousness, the dinner date, the butterflies, it's all a repeat of how things were in the beginning. Where there were no lies or manipulation on my end that drove him away from me.