Moonlight Kisses

first kiss

This week quickly drew to its conclusion. It felt like only a day had passed since Beau came over to my house with the same dilemma I was facing, neither of us could sleep after the eventful morning post-New Years. It didn't feel like it had been a whole week. A week we spent laughing, talking, messing around, taking full advantage of the safe haven that the universe gave us.

But all good things have to come to an end.

He made sure to promise me countless times today that this wouldn't end once school rolled around, but I knew better. Other people would get into my head, remind me of why I never messed with Beau in the first place. Other girls would catch his eye. I didn't tell him this, but I felt like this'll fizzle out by the end of this week. It's better to prepare for the worst than hope for the best because in the end, you won't be completely broken. You'll be hurt, but at least your heart was able to see it coming.

Reality is all about self-preservation. Reality is survival. Reality is harsh. Look away from it for just a second and it'll catch up to you before you can see it coming. There's no predicting how far it'll push you down so the best thing to do is to always anticipate it. Never let fiction overtake reality.

But I can't lie, it'd be nice to live in a world where I trusted every word that came out of his mouth. It would leave things simply, not so conflicted. I'd be able to wholly enjoy our last day together.

I know I may have expected to want to make the most of today, but that didn't happen to be the case at all. The last day of our amazing week, despite its occasional downs, was spent at the place that truly did start it all. Our spot. It looked much different in the afternoon, but if I wanted to make it home before the sun set completely, we had to come by here around noon.

Another factor that played into us lounging around all day was the fact that Beau was hungover from last night, which I had a blast making fun of him for. I still helped him nurse it when we woke up, but his situation was too good to pass up. The snide jokes I called out at him left and right definitely got on his nerves.

In truth, I was just trying to distract myself from the conversation me and Mariella had last night when she caught me. Every word stuck to me and replayed over and over in my mind. If she'd noticed something was going on between me and Beau, who else did? Why had she waited to say something? Her cryptic words held meaning, her warning especially. I couldn't get it out of my head. She's Beau's mom, if anyone on this planet knows his trauma, it's got to be her. Her warning runs deep and even that's an understatement.

She told me not to lose myself trying to find him. Every person I've come across I've wanted nothing more than to help them, which included easing my own pain to the point where I forgot about it. I've already lost a huge chunk of myself and if Mariella of all people can see that, everyone can.

I'm not going to tell Beau about the conversation though. It's already too much for me to deal with, tossing that on him would only make it worse. I want this last day to be good and it won't be as good as it can be if a conversation as heavy as that is looming over his mind. Unlike him, it's easy for me to push things back and act like I'm fine. Like nothing's bothering me. I can switch between facades like melting butter, him on the other hand will let this affect him. He's emotionally-driven whether he likes it or not. He has control over them by retreating into his mind and I don't want today to be spent in distance.

Maybe I'll tell him, eventually. Or maybe she will. I'm honestly hoping for the latter.

After an hour or so of being awake and tending to him, I had my fill of my jokes. His headache went away. That's when we decided to come here and kill a few hours in the place that seems to know us best. End this week off exactly where it started.