Moonlight Kisses

the unraveling

tw: self harm

jordyn.

Everything that accumulated over the past hour has my mind running a mile a minute. Getting caught in the middle of having sex by my sister of all people, proceeding to get in a catastrophic argument with my sister, the truth about Sophie knowing about me and Beau coming to light, and to top it all off, me and Beau still managed to finish what was abruptly cut off. I have no idea what inclined me to have sex with him so soon after we got caught. If anything, that would make anyone sensible want to be more cautious and fill one with paranoia, but I had been far from it.

I heard all of what he said. Beautiful things he says to me on a regular basis. Such heartfelt things he found so hard to say to me at one time. He finally admitted to someone else despite his constant worry that the outpouring of his feelings will be taken advantage of and held above his head like a dagger anticipating its drop. It takes so much out of him to speak from his heart, to say the things he's actually thinking and I was so fucking proud of him in that moment. I knew nothing I could have said to Kat would have topped his speech, especially because the impact of those love-ridden words hit ten times harder when they came from him. Emotion came over me as he told everyone how much he loved me, how much he cherished me. The decision to have sex with him wasn't brought on in a spur of lust or anger, it was genuinely because I wanted that deeper connection with him. I wanted to have sex for love. I wanted to prove to him how much I love him too.

But the time to face everyone has inevitably come. We've laid here beside each other for hours, only prolonging the time it takes for me to go back out there and deal with reality. The only good outlook dragging me out of his bed is that once this storm passes, we'll be back to our familiar calm and soon enough, I won't have to cut our time together short.I could stay here beside him as long as I want to without anyone telling me that it's wrong or that I shouldn't. Once the heat is off of us, we'll be left to tend to only each other. Something has to keep me going, I always strive to find the good among the bad. Sometimes that results in more bad than good, that optimistic perspective feeds into my naivety around other people, as Beau says. I'm always searching for the good in someone or something. It could end in me getting hurt, but I do it anyway. Because that's what keeps me going.

I shake him awake softly, not wanting to wake up to the sight of me gone. Plus if I let him sleep for too long, he won't be able to get any sleep at night and that results in him being grumpy the next morning. He's always a little grumpy, it's just how he is, but when he hasn't gotten a sufficient amount of sleep, he gives me an extra dose of grouchiness. The likes of a toddler really.

It's the little things, am I right?

"Wake up, sleepyhead," I murmur along the length of his jaw, peppering lazy kisses all over him. He moans and groans but makes no move to open his eyes. I take a chunk of my hair in my hand and graze the end of it on his face. He's quick to smack my hand away, guess someone's awake. He despises being tickled and that's just one of the many ways I do so. Next on my list is poking my fingers between his ribs if he doesn't at least squint his eyes open. "I have to go," I whisper, more to myself but his eyes shoot wide open anyways. That'll do the trick I guess.

"Why?" he whines, snatching my hand and extending it across his chest so I can't go anywhere. So much for trying to get out of here fast to get things over with. If Beau's persuasive enough to put up a fight, he could definitely get me to stay. The things this boy is capable of. I swear he's got me wrapped around his little finger.

Correction: his fingers are anything but little.

Chill out. I need to get my head on straight. "We can't stay here forever. I still have a whole ass family to get back to, you know? One that's going to be very pissed if I don't make it home for dinner at that." I managed to tug my hand away from his loosened grip, but I should have known it was one of his tactics. Allowing me to think he's giving in until he finds a way to get me closer. In this case, it's rolling on top of me and pinning me down with his body. It's not as cute as some make it out to me. It literally feels like I'm being suffocated by a log that is Beau's gigantic body. It doesn't make it any better that he's at least a foot taller than me so there's no way out.