Moonlight Kisses

a voice

My arms clinging to my waist, I approach my friends with my head down. Hoping that for the time being, I could simply disappear into a world where it's just me and Beau. No external bullshit that could affect us, only the two of us in our own place far, far away from here.

"Jo," I hear him call out to me. It only makes it hurt more, this wound. The fact that I know he'll be tending to me until the tears stop falling and coddling me until he brings me peace of mind only convinces my mind that it's going to hurt more. Just the sound of my name from his lips alone makes the cut Leo slashed into me with his words and actions sting so much fucking worse. To have all my friends worrying for me would be too much all at once.

I need his comfort first. I know his first instinct will be to bombard me with questions, but right now I just need him here with me. The answers to his question will come when they come, but every moment I'm left in this gut-wrenching pain, is another moment closer to where I succumb to it. And I don't want to do that. Leo has enough power over me already.

Lifting my eyes, they know to lock on his in an instant. Almost like second nature, my eyes can spot his in a crowd and read the emotions he's projecting from a mere glance. In this case, it's confusion. Perplexed as to why I left feeling okay to coming back a sobbing mess.

He doesn't even know the half of it.

Lorette and Selena make a bit of room for me to walk right over to Beau. Wordlessly, I ignore all of my friends' confused stances and quiet murmurs. Over half of the people here have never seen me cry. For some of them, it's such a rare occurrence that they assume I'm happy all of the time. I'm really good at carrying myself like that, but today is just not that day.

Beau beckons me away from the group with a protective hand on the small of my back. I can't help but to lean into him for comfort, quivering slightly at his warmth tracing down the side of my body. I missed this so much. Even if it was only a few minutes that I was locked in the bathroom with no way out. He puts me a few feet away so I'm not that overwhelmed by the people around us. "Are you okay?" he asks.

He expects me to put up a front. To tell him I'm fine when I'm clearly not. He interlocks our fingers when we're only a few inches apart. I look down at the ground, trying to come up with a way to reassure him that I'm fine in order not to burden him with the truth. But that way never comes. I let out a quiet sob before shaking my head. In the meantime, another batch of tears make their way down my face.

Taking my trembling body in his arms, he pulls me into his chest, murmuring again and again, "No, baby, no." In desperation, I fist his t-shirt in my hands as I bawl into his chest. Thankfully, he's wearing a black shirt like usual so my pools of tears won't look that noticeable.

I can feel him shaking his head, to everyone else I presume. He knows me better than anyone else in this entire fucking world. He knows that when I'm upset I don't like to talk or have my emotions pried into. Besides, he's the only one I feel really inclined to talk to. I don't want so many people knowing about what happened in that bathroom, let alone talking about it afterward. I'd rather stay here, within the confines of his hug, and cry out all the pain that has arisen since Leo's first grab at me. Along with the new realization that it was Leo that was behind the notes all this time. And the kiss that was never meant to happen, that I never wanted.

Even though it wasn't intentional, I still feel like I betrayed Beau. I know Beau won't see it that way. Once he's begun to put all the pieces together, he'll figure out that what happened to me wasn't something I wanted, but that'd only fuel his anger even more. He's comforting me now, but can the same be said when he finds out what really happened? I already saw what happened with Colin; I don't want us to be treading on eggshells because he was so quick to act on anger as opposed to taking care of me.