Moonlight Kisses

fade into you

Truth is, I've always had an issue with drinking. That issue being I'm quick to start and slow to stop, if ever. I've cheated death by alcohol poisoning more times than I can count by barely getting by. I'm the type of drunk that'll be crazy humorous one minute and deadpan lie to someone with a straight face the next. So when anyone asks me after I've had one too many drinks if I'm feeling alright, I can look them dead in the eye and say "I'm fine." Unlike most of the general population who are terrible liars under the influence, the alcohol seems to up my lying skills. To get anyone who's worried about me off my back, I lie and maybe even convince them to let loose with me. It's a flawed trait, but we've all got those.

However, because of all the New Years nonsense and the fact that we'll be at an open bar full of people I don't know, Beau doesn't want me anywhere near alcohol tonight. To make it even worse, he assigned me to play designated driver there and back. And he knows how much of a toll it takes on me to even think about putting other lives at risk. So stone cold sobriety is the move tonight, no questions asked.

A big thanks for the smarter part of me that decided to bring a bag of clothes here because I was always at their house anyways. Of course, it was in Sophie's room, but somehow, Beau managed to distract her with 'something he saw in the kitchen', giving me enough time to get inside her room, grab the bag from her closet, and get out. A simple pair of jeans and a sweater did just fine, but of course I let Beau convince me to go with a black tank top, his reason being it was going to be hot where we were. Really, he just wanted me to show off all the hickeys that have amassed all over my chest since we've been spending time together, which I had no problem with.

We had to sneak out of his house the same way we snuck in, which is slightly less complicated than getting out of mine. It was more risky though, requiring us to go out into the hallway to get to a small flight of stairs that take us into the sunroom. It was a very remote space to put a sunroom, but I figured this is where Mariella ran off to when she could no longer stand Mason in her presence.

I mean, she's living with a man, I can't say I blame her.

Anyways, that took us right outside where we could go around the house to get to the garage, which is a lot easier said than done. Maybe if this mansion wasn't the size of 5 houses combined, the trip to the garage practically a mile away wouldn't be so tiring. It wasn't at all boring though. Beau and I kept laughing our asses off about not being able to laugh. It was like one of those times where you're practically falling over in crippling laughter and once you finally manage to stop to catch a breath, you lock eyes with the person you're with and it happens all over again.

Sophie and I have had a lot of those times of our own. I'm not sure if she's even willing to be in my life anymore, given she hasn't called or texted. Neither have I, but it's times like these where things are really just out of my hands. I can't call and ask her how she's been doing because if I'm correct in thinking she knows where I've been in the past week, she's been feeling betrayed. Rage consuming her far beyond the point of forgiveness.

Things changed. As much as I didn't want it to, they did. Because of me. Because of my selfishness. Because of my impulses. I couldn't even find a way to put even a fraction of the blame on Sophie. I told her I would never let things get out of hand with Beau, and now I had feelings for him. I promised her I would let her know if anything became real, and now I've shared so many monumental firsts with him. Beau's her brother, my heart couldn't have settled on anyone better? Someone that would rock the boat a little less, if at all. Not only that, but our friendship is slowly but surely tearing apart at the seams because I'm too afraid to face Sophie amid all my lies.

A confrontation is bound to happen. It's only a matter of when and how cataclysmic it will be.

I really want to just go back to a time in my life where my only drama consisted of whatever I'd read or watched. At least then I could close the book or shut off the tv when I could no longer deal with it. I couldn't exactly temporarily push pause on life.