2 months

24

Cassie

The thing Jaden said, Cole wasn't lying, I just wasn't ready to tell anyone yet. Nobody knows what he did to me. Not even Olivia.

He could tell that I was lying when I said that it wasn't true. And it for some reason, made me feel safe. That he didn't ask any dumb questions. He didn't try to play the savior. Even if he kind of did, by fighting Cole. But he didn't pressure me into feeling like the dumb little victim. Because thats what most people do when they hear you got roofied, or touched or whatever. They act like you cant live on your own anymore, like you're a baby and need some special treatment. Don't get me wrong. Some people choose to do so, to feel so. But I didn't. I chose to fight my bad feelings and I grew bigger from it. Or thats what I chose to believe.

The rest of the day went great, we got my dress, got milkshakes and watched the sunset at the beach. That's how life could've always been for me. Jaden, milkshakes and sunsets. Living life like this maybe helped me distract me from my feelings. Whether  they're good or bad. It's like everything I've felt I left in the shittown and went on without them, but the second im home again they crawl back to me, in my mind in my head and in my head. Crawling inside of me and eating me alive.

"What are you thinking about?" Jaden then suddenly asked. I totally zoned out and forgot that he was there.
"Oh nothing, just, life I guess." I said. What the hell was I supposed to tell him? That I only feel alive around him?
"Bad or good?" He asked and took a sip form his milkshake. Strawberry, of course.
"Just a little of everything, I guess. Bland feelings, neutral, you could say." I said, and it sounded pretty dramatically. Sometimes I try to sound poetic or educated around Jaden, even though he doesn't talk that way. I just went with that strategy when he said his favorite subject was Literature. Not to impress him but I think you automatically want to be on the same level as the person you're talking too. You adapt their manners and slang.

"Wow, you're really going through it!" He said trying to mock me. I slapped his arm, because I was annoyed. Not really but sometimes you have to put Jaden in his place.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" He said and the expression on his face got so mature, in some way. He knew the answer but he also knew what I would actually answer.

"No I'm not." I said and put my head on his shoulder. I didn't wanna talk. I was hoping he wouldn't say anything, just let my head rested on him.

And he actually didn't say anything, he just lightly stroked my hair. He had a cheap ring on one of his fingers that got caught in my hair all the time, but I didn't mind. I didn't want this moment to end. I felt calm. Peace.

I think I actually fell asleep for a few minutes, I only woke up because my phone vibrated. It was my mom. She and dad had an emergency again, meaning they wouldn't be home this night. I felt a slight pain in my heart and put my phone in my pocket again. I didn't wanna be alone tonight. But I also didn't wanna ask Jaden for company.

"Hey I'm not trying to wake you up, but it's getting pretty cold, I don't want you to get sick so we should get going." He said quiet. I opened my eyes and it was dark. Apparently I fell asleep again.

"It's okay, lets go." I said and smiled, even though he couldn't see it, it was that dark. It was windy so we walked fast because it was very cold.

"Got you!" I said and punched him and ran. I was in the mood for a good old play of tag.

"OMG, wait wait!" He shouted and laughed. His laugh made me feel better.

We chased each other for a good ten minuted but then decided to go the car, it really got very cold.

"That was fun." I said and we both were out of breath, but still laughing. My stomach was hurting, I couldn't tell if it was because I laughed so much or because I was hungry. Probably both.

"I'm hungry, lets get some food." He said and turned the radio volume down. Not silent, just so the radio moderator was talking quiet in the background. That was one thing I really liked my whole life. Driving through the night with the radio turned down to where its almost silent. It's a nostalgic feeling.

I actually never answered him, he just asked me after a while if I was hungry too.

"Yeah, I'm in the mood for fries." I said.
"You're always in the mood for fries Cassie." He said and laughed. I laughed too.
"Yeah cause you can always eat fries. They're the prefect food." I said, convinced.
"I know I know, I'm just messing with you!" He said and laughed.

We then got food and ate them in the parking lot, another thing I loved.

"My parents aren't home, so I can stay out late." I said.
"You always stay out late, your parents don't care about that." He said and laughed. He was right.

"So what do you want to do with your new freedom?" He said and took the last sip of his sprite.
"I don't know, we could watch the stars?" I said. It's a cliche and cheesy, yes I like watching the stars.
"Yeah, the night is pretty clear." He said and turned the radio down so you could hear anything, not even the little radio voice I loved so much. One of the car windows was down and you could hear the cars driving down the highway. Yes, I love that too.

"Damn, I should've taken the convertible, we could've payed in the car and watched the stars." He said disappointed.
"We could just lay on the roof of the car, maybe there's a blanket in the trunk..." I said and looked around the car for something that could keep us warm.
"If there isn't one we could drive to the store and get one, maybe even a sweater for you, its pretty chilly." Jaden then said.

"That's a good idea, and marshmallows!" I said and laughed. Then he started the car and we drove to the next store.