2 months

35

Jaden

I was so relieved that Lukas believed us. I mean, I wasn't sure if he did but he told us and that's everything that I cared about.
Maybe it was because Cassie wouldn't be as concerned about it. That calmed me. A lot.

After we told him I noticed that Cassies leg stopped shaking. I noticed it before and realized that she was really nervous about this. I mean I was too, but not as much as she was, apparently. Why did she care so much if he thought we kissed? Was she embarrassed? Probably.

We ate and talked. Not about that situation, about shin in general. Useless stuff. I cant even remember because it was nonsense. But thats what I loved about Cassie and Lukas. We could talk about nothing for hours and it'd still be entertaining enough for me to forget the time. I really hoped both of them felt the same way about it. But I guess they did because if not they wouldn't spend time with me anymore. I felt needed and responsible, responsible for being an important part of a friendship.

Nothing against Kiera and Tyler, they just never made me feel that way. But different, irreplaceable. They are irreplaceable. The kind of friendship that'll last forever. I know that one day me and Kiera will be the godparents of Tylers adopted children, he always said that adopting kids was his dream. Kiera doesn't want children (yet, that's what she's saying. I know she never wants some) and I'm not sure. I'm young, I'm just seventeen, and I don't know anything. That's some shit we talk about. I don't know if Lukas ever wants children or where Cassie wants to go to college. It feels like I know all about them but nothing about them at the same time.

Sometimes its enough to know that they want you to be around. I mean if I knew that is not the important part right now, it felt like they wanted me to be around.

We had a pretty great afternoon, we obviously didn't go back to school. I had P.E, Lukas could get me out of trouble there and Cassie had barely skipped school before so it wasn't that problematic if she missed out. That's at least what she said. And Lukas didn't have any classes that afternoon anyway.

Then we all went home, well I dropped everyone off. They act like they cant drive on their own. Well Cassie doesn't have a car but Lukas does and she could drive. But I guess I'm just the Uber. At least Lukas gave me 20 bucks for gas, thats the least they could do. Cassie acts like she has some kind of privilege and doesn't have to pay for gas. But on the other hand I'm too scared to ask her for money so she's winning.

I didn't wanna go home but I also didn't wanna drive around alone. And I didn't wanna ask Cassie to stay, that would be unfair towards Lukas. I mean he would totally support it if we both did something just the two of us, but I didn't wanna give him what he wanted.

So I went home and did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nada. I mean I ate but besides that it felt like I was just starring at my wall. Starring at my wall hoping the time would pass faster. But faster towards what? That the next day would be just the same? The same boring shit? In a moment like that the main character would realize that they have to change their life drastically and move to New York or something. But I'm not a main character and this is not an inspirational movie. This is the fucked up shit nobody wants to pay for in the cinemas. So it flops and the actors never get another role in their life because they are associated with the shitshow movie. And that's their turning point, where they become the main characters of their own story and open a café or write a book.

Again. That's not gonna happen here.

So I was bored again and realized how I was basically just wasting precious time of my youth. At this time I should be on a party or spending time with my friends. But nope I'm sitting alone in my room thinking about how everyone probably hates me. But hey thats a big part of being a teenager too, relentlessly hating yourself.