Way Back Home

23

I had a peaceful night that day and hopefully hoping for to have the same by the next day.

"Auntie, grocery na lang ho siguro muna ako ngayon, may ibang kakailanganin pa po pala ako." pagpapaalam ko at agad naman itong tumango sa akin.

She reminded me to wear a mask and cap for the people not to see me and may cause trouble. Lalo na raw dahil rinig rinigan na dito sa lugar namin ang pag-uwi ko.

Which I did not see coming.

I expected to be still the same as what I had by the last year that I went home in here. Where the people doesn't recognize me as a model. I mean- those times that I was never be a big deal. I am thankful for everything that I have now. The people who likes me as a model but we also deserve to have our own private lives.

Because looking back, I was nobody. No special treatment. Iyong wala akong imaheng inaalagaan. I kinda miss that feeling, not that I am being plastic but I had to be more kinder.

I let Kuya drive me to the city though I wanted to commute because I miss the feeling of riding a pedicab as it was safer for me. He dropped me off on the entrance and said that he would just park and buy something for him.

Inayos ko muna ang suot ko na cap at sinuot na ang itim na mask. The guard checked my sling bag and let me in. Nang nakita ko ang sarili kong mukha sa isang brand ay namalayan ko na lang ang sariling naglalakad patungo doon.

"Hello Miss, welcome to our shop. We sell high quality make-ups in here. Meron rin kaming lipsticks at iba pang products na mask proof." pangse-sales talk sa akin ng isang sales lady sa shop.

"Fun fact lang po, iyong nakikita niyo pong mukha sa labas ay taga dito po kaya mas nakaka-proud na magtrabaho dito." dagdag pa nito.

Even if she cannot see my face clearly, it made smile. I let her tour me around and introduced me to their best selling products..

"Naging classmate ko nga rin po 'yan noong high school e, kaso hindi ko na ulit nakita pa nang mag-transfer siya. Sobrang bait rin nyan kahit kadalasan tahimik kaya napagkakamalan na masungit." she was so bubbly and sounded like she was a fan of mine.

I tried to remember her including her face pero siguro sa dami na ng nakakasalamuha ko ay hindi ko na ito mamukhaan pa.

I smiled widely and said sweetly. "Oh. That's nice of you. If there is a chance that you'd like to meet her, when do you like it to be?"

"Kahit kailan pero mas bet ko ngayon dahil birthday ko." sagot pa nito at mahinang tumawa.

Agad na tumatak sa isipan ko na gusto ko siyang bigyan ng regalo pero dahil hindi ko naman alam kung ano gusto niya at nandito na rin naman kami. Siya na lang rin ang papipiliin ko.

"If ever I was you and you had a chance to buy products in here, what would you choose?" I asked her as I get the basket from her.

Sa bawat turo niya ng produkto ay patago ko iyong kinuha at inilagay sa basket.

"Ito lang ba ang maii-suggest mo?" tanong ko pa sa kanya dahil halos make-up products lang iyon.

So I asked her about the body products. May napili naman siya pero hindi iyon kasing rami hindi tulad sa mga pangmukha. I picked a box of vitamins and proceeded to the counter.

The bill wasn't as big as I expected it to be. The lady left me as she assisted another customer. I had the chance to ask her name to the cashier. Grateful as she made me happy. The cashier looks approachable naman kaya tinanong ko ito tungkol sa babae.

"Kilala mo?" I asked her when it must be obvious for her to knew the lady.

She nodded as she continued to put the things that I bought in a paperbag.

"Bago pa po lan 'yan pero gusto na agad ng manager, bubbly po tsaka walang reklamo." she told me with a wide smile.

"Really?"

"Idol niya daw po kasi iyong ambassador ng shop kaya nag-apply." sinabayan pa niya iyon ng tawa.

Tiningnan ko naman ang babae at nakitang nakangiti ito habang nag-aassist ng kanyang bago na kustomer. Pagkatapos kong bayaran iyon ay naghintay ako doon sa isang tabi na umalis na iyong kasama niya. And when she was left alone, I walk towards her and see her adorable gummie smiles.

I asked her first if she can lead me the way to their CR and gladly oblige. As she was leading the way, una kong kinuha iyong suot na sumbrero at isinunod iyong mask na suot.

"Thank you." kahit hindi pa man kami nakarating doon ay nagpasalamat na ako kaya naguguluhhan pa itong nakati gin sa akin.

Bigla naman na napalitan ng gulat iyong imbes na nalilito niyang mukha. Nanlaki iyong mga mata habang habang umawang pa ang bibig.

I felt satisfied as I surprised her, this is a bare kind of situation for me. Knowing that she knew me before I did not have the fame and still liking me today without feeling any judgement from her is a different kind of joy. It brings another feeling of pleasure and contentment.

I gave her my gift and we took pictures before I bidded goodbye to her as she needed to be on her work and I still had to buy things that I needed.

May ngiti nang naka-ukit sa labi ko kahit hindi man iyon makita. Habang kumukuha ako ng inumin ay naramdaman kong may bumangga sa likod ko kaya agad akong napatingin dito at sa susunod na pangyayari na napag-alaman ko na ay nahulog na iyong ibang hawak ko.

"Pasensya na." he apologize as he picked those things on the floor.

Nagmamadali akong tumulong sa kanya na kunin iyong mga nahulog kong pinamili nang nahulog iyong suot ko na sumbrero galing a pagkayuko ko.

"Bella?"

It was already years when I last heard the voice but it still lingered on my ears. I knew that voice too well. That voice whom I dreamt at night. Whom I prayed for years to hear.

But I never imagined of this moment to become true. When I admitted the defeat. When I chose to surrender.

"Sorry, I am not Bella." tumayo na ako at mabilis na sinuot pabalik iyong cap.

"I knew you so well, anak."

"I said I am not your daughter, Mister." that's when my voice broke.

I tried to fix my voice but my tears began flowing as I needed to sniff. I felt him hold my arm and I immediately throw it away as I began running away from him.

Away from my father, the first ever man who left me behind.

Ramdam kong nakasunod ito sa akin pero mas nangibabaw iyong pagdamdam ko sa mga luhang paunti unting umaagos sa aking magkabilang pisngi.

Halos lakad at takbo na ang ginawa para lang hindi ako maabutan. I was heading on the exit when I saw another person who seems that she was also waiting for me to come.

Hindi pa man ako nakita nito ay lumiko na agad at nagtanong kung saan ang banyo.

"Nasaan po ang banyo dito?" halos hindi ko man iyon masyadong nalakasan ay agad niyang itinuro iyong banyo.

I quickly thanked the person and ran towards the comfort room. I thanked heaven when no one waas in and I immediately ran inside as I shutted the door. Ramdam ko nang naghalo na iyong pawis at luha ko kaya agad ko na iyong pinunassan habang nakaharap sa salamin.

I looked crazy as I observe myself in my reflection and said stupidity.

"Bitch, don't you ever cry. They didn't even bother looking for you when you were at your lowest point. Iniwan ka kahit wala ka pang kamuwang-muwang sa nangyayari sa mundo. Wala kang karapatang umiyak."

All I could see on the reflection is my broken and struggling self whom I wanted to fix. Who's struggling for years on her on battle alone. The girl they threw after being used. Tired for everything temporary.

The person who was accused from stealing by someone who was once the anchor of my ship.