Way Back Home

34

True enough. He stayed by my side when I was so down and moody. He always made sure to make me feel safe and fine. I was okay not until I cannot understand myself anymore. Nagagalit at sumasama ang loob ko sa kakaunting bagay man lang.

Kaya naman ay wala na akong nagawa nang kinaladkad na ako ni Danes sa isang OB. Tago ang aming mga mukha at puno ng saplot. We made sure that no one could see us. Kahit hindi naman na talaga ako ganoon ka sikat, Danes has the image to protect.

Pareho kaming hinihingal nang makarating kami sa clinic dahil may ilang tao na nakakilala sa kanya. Kaya naman agad akong humiwalay sa kanya at nagmistulang hindi siya kasama hanggang sa makatakas na siya sa kumpolan ng mga tao.

We both wiped our sweat as we sat on the chair and caught our breath. Until my name was called so we had to stand up and meet the doctor.

The rooms and the equipment that I saw gave me anxiety. Then remembered the days when I broke my heart the most. Halos kalabitin ko na si Danes para alukin na umuwi dahil sa kaba ko. I don't want to get my hopes high again then get hurt. My heart was too tired to expect and get hurts. So I am. No one can blame me.

Puno ng kaba ang aking puso habang nag-uusap ang dalawa. Nanatili lamang akong tahimik sa kama kung saan ako nakahiga na. Tapos na silang mag-usap nang nilingon ako ng doktor ba ito ngumiti sa akin.

They seem to know each other when she called Danes by his name and asked about our relationship.

"Uh, we are friends," he said and smirked.

"Go out for a moment, Danes. Don't want to make your friend uncomfortable!" she was teasing him and grinned.

They throw each other banters before she seriously asked him to leave when she saw me being uncomfortable with their jokes. She prepare the tools before she asked me questions about how do I feel these days and when was the last time I got my period.

Lutang akong nag-isip ng isasagot. I even tried to ask myself that!

"Because if you haven't had your period, I am a hundred percent you are pregnant. But of course, I had to examine you," she told me and gave me a small smile.

I remained silent. She started to do her job as she talked to me. Hindi ko alam pero kahit ngayon pa lang kami nagkita at nagkausap. Her questions made me feel less nervous. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero siguro dala iyon sa kanyang malumanay na boses. I never adored someone's voice in my whole life. Sa kanya pa lamang. I would even like to pinch her cheeks.

"Danes told me about your mood swings and morning sickness. Haven't you wonder about it?"

I shook my head. "I already had visited my OB in the Philippines and she said the baby has no heartbeat."

"Uh-huh."

I was busy looking at my stomach kasi kinikiliti ako doon. She was using a tool that rubs my stomach. Just like the one that was used by the OB I had in the Philippines. But most of her equipment is high-tech and new, I think.

"She said you what again?" she asked me like it was unexpected.

I tried to recall what the doctor said. Even though it made me tremble.

"That maybe I wasn't pregnant because it had no heartbeat," nauutal ko pang sagot sa kanya.

Kumunot ang noo nito at sinabi sa akin na tingnan iyong screen. Halos nalaglag ang panga ko nang makita ko iyon. I saw two fetuses! And I heard heartbeats!

I was shaking and tearing as I reach for my phone and recorded it! Humihikbi ako habang pinapakinggan ang sinasabi ng doktor. I cannot even recognize what she was saying because my eyes were on the screen and I feel like I was floating off too much joy.

I wasn't the person who wants to show affection but after I got off the bed, I hugged her. I was so ashamed of myself after that. She even comforted me to make me stop crying. I was on cloud nine. And it felt surreal.

I forgot how many times I thanked her and her telling me to contact the doctor who had a check on me before. I was all smiles as I bid goodbye to her and telling her how excited I am about my next visit.

Danes saw me as I opened the door and his eyes automatically widen. He closed the distance between us and pulled me into a hug.

"Congrats Ave! I knew it!"

"Thanks, Danes! If it wasn't for you, telling me to visit one, I wouldn't have known. You are a blessing in disguise." I pulled him into a hug again because I feel like hugging people today due to too much joy.

We got home and he had to leave for some errands so I was alone. Alone but not lonely anymore.

Tinitigan ko ang sarili sa salamin. The last time I looked at myself for too long, I was broken and so sad. Now, it was the opposite. I cannot measure how I feel so happy today. That I booked a ticket to the Philippines to tell them.

I can't help but notice the bump in my stomach and realized how big it is. Grabe ang paglaki ng mga mata ko nang makita iyon. I was always wearing a loose shirt so I didn't notice. And for the past weeks, staring at myself for to look gives me anxiety. I touched my belly carefully like it was fragile.

Nang mahagilap ng mga mata ko ang aking cellphone ay agad ko iyong kinuha at binuksan ang camera. I started to film myself in front of the mirror as I caressed my belly and said.

"Hello babies, I am your momma and I love the both of you too much. I cannot wait to hold the both of you. I had to find work na so I could give you your needs. But I would love the both of you to meet your father because I know how it feels not to have one."

Hinatid ako ni Danes sa airport. Nag-usap muna kami at pinaaalahan niya ako na mag-ingat. Pumunta muna ako OB kahapon upang magpacheck-up at magtanong kung ayos lang ba akong bumyahe. Nang sinabi niyang ayos lang ay doon pa lamang ako nag-impake kaya halos wala akong sapat na tulog. Even though Danes helped me, it took us hours to put everything in my luggage Since I had no plans on getting back here.

Danes promised to visit me when he will have his vacation after his taping is done.

"Ave, I would be mad if you won't take me as the twin's godfather. Consider me as a stranger if that happens," he looked so serious while saying those words.

I giggled. "I would love to have you as their godfather, who wouldn't love to have Danes as ninong? He is a famous model and actor, international. And I wouldn't mind receiving a house and lot for us for your christening gift!" And burst into waves of laughter

He waited for me to be on the plane before he left. It is a long flight so I made sure to wear comfortable clothes. I wore Danes sweater because I felt like I always felt cold and it's big. I don't want someone to see the bump when I haven't told my parents first.

Auntie and Uncle were the happiest when I told them the news. They took care of me two times that I was used to.

I was at the grocery store when I bumped into someone. I muttered my apologies as I bent to pick up my things. Hawak hawak ko pa ang tiyan habang nakayuko ako. Nang makuha ko na iyon ay doon pa lamang ako napatingin sa nabangga ko.

Laglag ang kanyang panga habang nakatingin sa akin... bago pa siya tumingin sa tiyan ko.

I may haven't seen him in person for the longest time but I knew it was still him.

"Bella?"

"Tito..."

"Kumusta ka na? Matagal na kita hindi nakikita."

"Ayos lang po ako."

"Is that my apo?" tanong nito habang hindi itinanggal ang tingin sa aking tiyan.

I saw how his eyes watered when I gave him a nod. Tumingala ito at pinunasan ang luhang lumalabas sa kanyang mga mata.

"Does my Rawl knew? He didn't tell me anything."

"Hindi pa po."

"Would you mind me if I'll invite you for lunch? I wanna catch up and ask so so many things."

I accepted his offer and it lasted for hours. I went home around five and as I opened my phone, Rawl is already calling.