Way Back Home

28

His words made my lips hang open. Agad ko naman nabawi ang pagkagulat ko at binigyan siya ng maliit na ngiti.

"It's not like that, Rawl. It's just, it happened so fast. We saw each other again after you accused me and left me without hearing my side." sabi ko sa kanya at bumuntong-hininga.

Remembering those days, broke me again. I was alone, without companions. Pinagtulungan nila ako at pinag-akusahan sa bagay na hinding hindi ko magagawa. I may not have money that time but stealing anyone's money never came across my mind. I could work for it, so why steal it?

I was problematic but I didn't pray for lesser problems, I prayed for more skills.

Guilt crept on his face as he sighed and looked away. It earned me a bitter smile.

"I know, we did something horrible to you, I did. But can we forget about it? We can't let the past ruin us again, right?"

I laughed humorlessly at it. "How can you just say that, Rawl?" gone the sweetness of my voice. "How can you say it when it caused me so much pain before? I get it, okay? It's all the past but the pain never left on my heart. Knowing how I stayed loyal on you, on you left business. I did everything on your goddamn business, even if I had to leave my major because something came up on your business?" I ranted.

"How you can you said those words easily when you did not see me hurting? Are you there when I felt so embarrassed as people looked to me with no shame? Inakusahan at pinag-uusapan nila ako ng harap-harapan! Ang gago lang eh, halos nawalan pa ako ng malay ng minsan nila akong  pinagbabato ng mga barya." I looked straight to his eyes as I remembered how awful they did to me in the past.

"But you know what's funny? Pinulot ko iyong pera ibinato nila sa akin para pambili ko ng pagkain." I told him and humorlessly laughed. I looked away and wiped my tears before looking back at him, again.

"Nandoon ka ba noong halos itakwil na ako ng dalawang taong itinuring ko ng pamilya?" I saw how his jaw clenched. "Nandoon ka ba ng umuwi akong gutay gutay na ang mga damit dahil napagkatuwaan ng mga lasinggero at muntik ng magahasa! Sumagot ka! Putangina!" Out of frustration and anger, I shouted.

Tears began to swell on my eyes but it never became a reason to stop looking at him.

He looked away with his jaw clenched. "You were never there, but you cause me so much pain. So much for me to handle when I had a lot on my plate! Kaya paano mo sa akin nasabing kalimutan na lang 'yon, Rawl?" naghihina ko ng sabi sa kanya.

Nang wala akong narinig sa kanya at tumalikod na lang ako at pinunasan ang mga luhang patuloy na dumadagsa sa aking pisngi.

Tahimik kong ipinagpatuloy ang aking paghuhugas nang naramdaman kong paano niya niyakap ang mga tuhod ko habang nakaluhod sa sahig. Napatigil ako sa ginawa at naramdaman kung paano namasa ang likod ng tuhod at narinig kong paano siya humingi ng patawad habang umiiyak.

"Pasensya na kung ang gago ko. Pasensya na sa mga sakit na idinulot ko sa iyo habang wala ako. I am sorry if I asked you things horrible when it never been easy for you. But please believe me when I say, mahal kita at pinagsisisihan ko iyong mga nagawa ko sa iyo noon." halos pabulong na niya iyong sinabi kaya mas lalo lang akong nasaktan.

As much as I wanted to look deeply into his eyes, I did not. Knowing how will I cry hard as I would lay my eyes unto his. Ramdam ko na iyong mga namumuong luha ko na agad rin naman tumutulo galing sa pisngi ko paibaba.

His cries made my heart hurt more. Those days when I was hurting seems to disappear as I hear him apologize.

It made me feel betrayed. My heart betrayed me.