Let Me Live, Please! [BxB]

11: Myself

But I'll keep trying, you have done it and I'll do the same.

2 weeks have passed since Heinestus had entered House Artimus under Dainslief's care. In that time period, Heinly had studied everything that was necessary in order to put a front and act as the real Heinestus.

Basically, Heinly, or formally known as the Marquis Lainley's son: Heinestus Lainley, is the youngest child among three siblings. The first and eldest son, Abethius, was the heir of the family name Lainley. He is the third Lieutenant of the Eskrima Army and has studied under his father's connections.

The second and eldest daughter, Ellouise, is a famous strategist and a businesswoman. She had helped in the promotion of female workers around the capital and helped give job opportunities amongst commoners alongside Methia, the mother of the three siblings and the Marquess of House Lainley.

Though the family was well accomplished amongst the members of the high society there was no pressure whatsoever around their third child, Heinestus. Probably because Methia and her husband, Arkus, wanted a child they could spoil. And surprisingly the two older siblings were on it too. Thus Heinestus lived freely as a talented writer, and poet.

Heinly thought about how fortunate Heinestus was since he had no pressure from his family whatsoever. Unlike Hans' own past, his parents would often yell at him if he didn't do good enough, or when he wasn't doing his best. So naturally, he had developed a logical and goal driven personality. It was also the reason why he couldn't afford to spend time on relationships. It was too time consuming according to his parents.

But nevertheless he couldn't help but wonder about how Heinestus ended up in prison as a wanted criminal? How come neither of his own family members contacted him? There were also the 'accusations' Dainslief spoke of. It was too strange, but unfortunately, there were no immediate answers.

But that wasn't the important issue here, even though Hans is in the body of Heinestus, he isn't willing to go around fixing someone else's life, especially when he knows little about their personal lives.

He could only stay under Dainsleif and hope that he wouldn't be found by whatever is after him.

And that's where the real issue lies, Heinestus's relationship with Dainslief. From what Heinly gathered from Dainslief's thoughtless spilling. Heinestus was a straightforward person, he knows what he wants and would get it. He is also passionate about his work as a writer. Though it has been his early years of writing, he had never stopped creating ideas and writing them down. He can also be cheeky and rude at times, but that's just because he is honest.

So he's basically me except he's more successful than I am.

Heinly sighed, put the pen down and counted all the things he wrote so far. It felt strange writing about the personality of the owner of the body Hans was borrowing.

Our faces are the same, but that doesn't mean we have to have the same personality. We even have a similar job. It sure is strange, but it's probably normal? I don't know, maybe this is how parallel universe's work.

If only he could have a peek at Heinestus's writing as a poet, then maybe he could have a somewhat basic understanding of who he really is.

And while he's at it, he hopes to see what other people think about Heinestus.

Heinly stretched in his chair for a while before staring outside the window. It was dark, and the moon half smiled. He reminisced about what he knew about Heinestus and thought about how different their lives are. It almost seemed unfair. But it felt more unfair how he just managed to get transferred in this place and replaced the old Heinly.

He breathed, lingering for a while before a knock on the door sounded in the room. It was Dainslief.

"Are you okay?"

He was still wearing his uniform, it was obvious how he had been working overnight.

But Heinly didn't say anything about it, he smiled. "What makes you say that? I'm fine."

Dainslief drew closer and wrapped his arms around Heinly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get home late." He murmured, holding his lover, placing kisses on his crown.

Heinly responded by hugging back. He felt warm, the feeling was familiar to him. But everytime he bathed in the love showered by Dainslief, he couldn't help but feel an immense guilt. Guilt from the thought that Dainslief wasn't his lover, but was Heinestus'.

He wondered about how this would come to an end. How this loving relationship would stop growing. It felt sad, but there is always a different possibility. Heinly wanted to look at the good things brought by Dainslief but it felt that he wasn't deserving enough to receive it. Is it because he's insecure? Or was it the lack of experience from his previous life?

Dainslief noticed the absent minded Heinly and tried to cheer him up. "Remember that time we used to plant crops near our hut?"

Planting crops? What?

Heinly felt a strange sensation in his heart, it felt like it was also longing for that time. But of course he didn't know anything about it. So he looked at Dainsleif, silently asking him to say more.

"That time, I was sick and couldn't move. You were the one who took care of me when no one was there. You were the only one who didn't leave me." Dainslief said softly, caressing Heinly's cheeks. His eyes softened as if he was pained.

Heinly of course doesn't remember. But why does it feel like his heart is hurting? As if he was also with Dainslief's past. He felt complicated, but he could only nod.

Dainslief continued. "But now it is different, you don't need to worry about me. I'm already fine, and we're okay..." Dainslief paused and kissed Heinly's forehead.

"... And next time, when that happens to you. I'll be the one to take care of you. You have done it before and I'll do the same."

Tears unknowingly started streaming down on Heinly's face. He was startled and quickly wiped his tears. Dainslief saw this and tightened his arms around Heinly, silently comforting him.

Though Heinly couldn't reminisce to what Dainslief said to him, it left a mark on him.

Is this what it felt like to be loved? If so, is it too selfish for me to want this for myself?