Sugar 『Buckyxfem!reader』

🦋 36 🦋

-Y/Ns pov-

Suddenly I can feel my fist pushing forward, punshing Stevens chest.
"He's not dead!"
I want to scream but all I'm capable of is whispering.

Steven approaches me again, apologizing like it's his fault.

Finally I can scream again.
"You should've tried harder!"

A tear runs down my face as our eyes lock. My brother looks at me, shocked. I understand that, I never would've thought I would tell my brother that it's his fault. But I do. 

"Please stop, Y/N. There was nothing I could do."

Again my fist pushes forward, followed by my other hand. I start punching him but Steven just pulls me into a tight hug. 

"He's not dead."
The only sentence that repeatedly leaves my mouth while I punch my brother as he holds me tight. 

Tears roll down my cheek, leaving burning paths on my face. Hot waves run through my body, hurting me from inside. My heart aches and my air gets cut off with almost every breath.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I'm really, really sorry. Do you want me to-"

With all the energy that is left inside of me I push Steven away.
"I'm not a damsel in distress, Steven!" 

"Obviously not."
He's trying to figure out why James' death hits me harder than him.
"Why do you care so much? After all you hated him most of your life."

Hated him? Hated him?! 

"I love him!"
My knees fail me and I fall down. 

Crouching on the floor I hold my face in my hands and start sobbing. Even that reminds me of him. 

He looked so cute that morning.
I miss him.
All that pain. For what? For him not coming back? 

-Steven's pov-

As I watch my sister breaking down suddenly everything makes sense. 

"Tell her I love her."
His last words echo through my head, realising it wasn't fear but sadness in his eyes before he fell down.
Bucky, you jerk.

I sit down next to Y/N and lay my arms around her once again. Her shoulders tremble as she sobbs irregular. Slowly she starts embracing me too and cries into my shoulder. Not once did I see my sister destroyed like this. Not when she thought I couldn't see her and started to cry in her room, not in any other situation. Ever. 

Gently I press her against me and whisper my next words into her ear.
"He loved you too."

Y/N pulls herself away and looks at me, broken, devastated. It hurts.
"He told you that but you didn't have time to save him?!"
Her voice gets louder.

"I tried..."
I mumble.

Another thing I never saw on her. Hate.

"Out."
First she whispers it but as I show no reaction she screams.
"OUT!" 

My eyes fill up with tears but I respect her wish and leave her appartment. Before I close the door I can hear her fists meeting the ground again and again, followed by her sobbing.

-Y/Ns pov-

Slowly the pain from my fists takes over the pain from the hole Steven ripped into my heart. After hours of punching the ground and crying I finally stand up. Instead of making myself tea I change my clothes, clean my face and my bloody hands and put bandages around them. With fast footsteps I head back to the office and knock on Dooley's door for the second time today.

"Come in."

I enter and Dooley looks at me, confused.
"Any mission. Please. I'm bored."

Dooley shakes his head.
"I'm sorry, Agent Rogers. There are no missions left."

"Argh!"
Angry I leave his office and slam the door shut. 

Everything is good to ignore the truth. There should be anything I can do. At a rapid pace I head towards the gym, rushing past other Agents and coworkers. Before I realise it the pain from my fists returns as I slam them against the punching bags. Confused people start to build an audience but I simply don't notice them. A final punch rips the punching bag from it's bracket and I watch it flying towards the crowd, marked with blood from my fists. 
But I don't care. I don't care about the bag, I don't care about my fists and I most certainly don't care about the fact that the room starts spinning. My body collapses next to the bag.

×××××××××××××××

I hope you're doing better with grief than Y/N but it's kinda important that she acts like this.
Also happy birthday to me, thank you if you congratulate me, I appreciate it. Havw some cake 🎂
If not thanks for reading this anyway.
Love y'all ❤️
~V