Sugar 『Buckyxfem!reader』

🦋 37 🦋

-Y/Ns pov-

I stare out of the window and feel the therapist observing me.

"Ms. Rogers, why are we sitting here?"

James is dead.

I shake my head to get the thought away. It's been a week since I collapsed.
"My boss told me to try therapy."

She starts taking notes.
"And why did your boss suggest therapy?"

James is dead.

Again I shake the thought away.
"After I collapsed I started... Actually I stopped feeling. I focused on work and training."

The therapist nods.
"Your boss, Chief Dooley, told me you're working early and into the night. Is that true?"

I clear my throat and shift in my seat.
"Yes. I have a lot of paperwork to do."

She nods, still observing me.
"What caused the collapse, Ms. Rogers?"

"Doctor Erskine said I lost a lot of blood and overexerted my body."

"How did you loose so much blood?"

Images of the bloody floor in my kitchen fill my head but I shake these away as well.
"I-... My fists met the ground several times."

"Why? You had a punching bag not far away, you even used it."

James is dead.

"He's not dead."
I mumble, trying to shake the thought away again. The therapist takes notes but acts like she didn't hear anything.
"My brother visited me to tell me that he failed."

"But he didn't fail. The mission was successful."

My head snaps up and I look her dead in the eyes.
"He. failed."

"Ms. Rogers, if you want this to work-"

"I don't even want to be here! I just don't want to loose my job!"
I get loud but my counterpart stays calm.

"Why?"

"Because it's the only thing I have left..."
My hand clenches around the ring for a moment.

"I'm sure that's not true."
Another note wanders on the paper.

"Try me."
I look back outside the window.

"For starters, Family. Your brother and father are both alive."

"My father doesn't care about me, he cares about money and alcohol. My brother failed."

And I hurt him. He wouldn't want to see me again. Can't blame him for that.

"I don't know about your father but your brother-"

"Failed."
It's more a hiss than an actual word.

"Alright. What about friends? Do you have friends?"

Peggy.

"I don't know. I'm not a very kind person and definetly not good with people."
I keep staring out of the window.

"That's interesting. Ms. Carter gave me a letter about you so I could assess what's reality and what's the thing you see and she described you differently."

"If you know all that then why ask me? Huh?! Who else claims to be my friend?!"

"Ms. Rogers, I need you to stay calm."

"Stay calm?!"
I get up and head towards her, making me as big as possible.

But the therapist doesn't move. She doesn't even flinch.
"Please, for your own good, sit back down."

For a minute I just stand there in front of her, ready to fight but she doesn't back away. She even leads forward to grab her glass of water. I sigh and sit back down on the couch across from her.
"I guess I can consider Peggy my best friend. There is also uhm... Abraham, Doctor Erskine. I like his work. It's fun to listen to him when he talks about it. He even teached me the German language."

"You can speak German?"

"Ein bisschen." ("A little bit.")
A week ago I was very proud about that.

"Okay, so we got Mr. Rogers, Ms. Carter and Dr. Erskine. Anyone else?"

"I really enjoy training with Daniel Sousa. He's such a gentleman. Never hits me in the face. Oh and I shared a few kisses with Howard but nothing more. We're kind of laboratory partners."

"You kissed Howard Stark?"

I roll my eyes.
"It made me feel at least something. Nothing strong and completely unemotional."

"The list gets longer, Ms. Rogers. So you do have friends. Earlierer you said you are working early and late hours. Why?"

"I told you, Paperwork."

"Would you mind to stop staring out of the window, Ms. Rogers?"

"Yes, I would. I don't want to read what you are writing down."

"Well, we are sitting too far apart for you to be able to read what I write."

"Alright, if you say so, Doctor."
I turn around to face her.

"So, why are working so much?"

"I can't sleep."

She writes something down.

"Oh, really? I do want to sleep, I'm just not able to. So I started to work more but it didn't help."
Surprised the therapist looks at me. I just shrug my shoulders.
"Told you."

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