Sugar 『Buckyxfem!reader』

🦋 53 🦋

-Y/Ns pov-

"Well my therapist won't be happy to see me again."
I try to loosen up the mood with a joke and let out a forced, uncomfortable laugh.

"So I die and you just replace me?"
James' voice sounds darker than the last time we spoke. Even though his words make me a little bit angry I'm relieved that he talks to me at all.

Slowly I approach him and take his hand.
"Nobody could replace you, James."
My voice slightly breaks as I say his name but I hope he doesn't notice it. I take a deep breath and try to swallow the upcoming emotions, along with the upcoming breakfast, to keep a clear head.

"Apparently he can."
James pulls his hand out of mine, his voice rough and marked by whatever he went through.

It hurts but I accept it and take a step back.
"How did you... survive?"
My breath shakes and I don't know if I'm warm or cold. As attempt to stay calm I start fumbling with the ring.

James looks at my hand and as he understands what I'm fumbling with he carefully takes my hand to look at the ring. As if he's happy about me still having it, his voice turns a bit softer.
"That's..."

I'm a little bit impressed by how fast his mood can change. A few moments ago he was ready to fight Liam, now he just seems to be glad to see the ring. He looks at it like it's a promise that I will come back to him.

"It is... I found the letter..."

Suddenly his attention lies on the hand he's holding or more the ring on that hand.
"It's... nice..."

I close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing. In my mind I start sorting the words.
"Liam is wonderful."
That was not what I wanted to say.

James pulls his hand back and nods.
"He seems good."
He tries to hide it but my words hurt him.

Something inside of me flips like a switch. He has no right to be jealous. He has no right to be hurt by me being happy and finding a good man. After all it was him who left for war!

"It's not like I stepped into a time machine and came out here, in a whole different century, just to get over you. You died and I blamed Steven for that. But it wasn't Stevens fault and it took me over seventy years to accept the fact that you won't hold me anymore!"
Just like that I can watch myself getting loud at James from a third person perspective.
"And after Steven died too I was empty! There was nothing, no feeling. Just a whole lot of nothing, James. I thought two weeks asleep might help but when I woke up I looked into the face of Tony fucking Stark! I was devestated. I mourned. I'm still attending therapy. But I got lucky and met Liam. Despite all that I went through he still wanted to stay with me. Every nightmare of mine that woke him up, every date I cancelled because of work, everytime I came home destroyed from therapy, he went through all of that with me and he stayed! This man fucking stayed! How was I supposed to say no when the man I fell in love with after I thought I would never feel again asked me to marry him?!"
A hot tear runs down my cheek and I shake my head.
"But you wouldn't get that, would you? You never asked me."

What? Why did I say that?!

James' hands crawl into the furniture and he clenches his jaw. A few seconds run by, feeling like an eternity, before he answers.
"I wanted to, Y/N. I bought the ring and I asked your father."
Now his voice gets louder.
"But Joseph didn't take me seriously and I couldn't just ask you! It wasn't that simple, Y/N!"
Slowly I step back as he looks into my eyes, anger written all over his face. He keeps getting louder.
"I wanted to tell Steven but before I could I fell from that damn train. You don't know what I went through so don't act like you're the only one that got hurt!"
I wince at the sound of his fist punching the wall, leaving small cracks.

"I-I should go."
My voices is shaking in fear, I never saw James like this. I never thought it would be possible for him to be like this. Keeping an eye on James I back away from him.

The sound of fear in my voice makes him realise what he did. He swallows and reaches out for me.
"I'm sorry, Y/N, it wasn't suppose to come out like this. Please don't leave."

Shaking my head I reach for my phone. Who knows what he does if I turn away?
"I know that look on your face, James. Stay away from me."
My father had this look everytime before he-... I'm not that strong anymore. I couldn't take that kind of behaviour anymore. While keeping an eye on James I write a message asking Liam to join us. I don't want to go but I can't handle James if he is like that. 

It doesn't take long for Liam to join us again and he looks at the wall. Worried he frowns and his soft eyes land on me.
"Are you okay, Y/N?"

I take his hand before I look back into James' eyes.
"We should talk when you're less... whatever you are."

Tears build in my eyes again and I can hear my heart pounding in fear. Before James can answer I pull Liam back to the entrance of the Compund.

×××××××××××××××

I loved writing these but I also just want it to be over omg 😭
Btw I'm not trying to be rude I just didn't sleep well (or at all for that matter) 😐
Love you ❤️
~V