Sugar 『Buckyxfem!reader』

🦋 54 🦋

-James' pov-

I watch Y/N leave with this guy and rush into my room, trying hard to calm myself down. The look in her eyes when she heard the wall cracking, I scared her. She was afraid that I would hurt her. That I would do to her what Joseph did.

"FUCK!"
I scream, taking the nearest thing to throw it against the wall.

Before I can hold myself back I throw the next best thing against the same wall. Disappointed in myself I punch and throw the furniture until the misery takes over. With a shaking breath and hot tears running over my face I slide down against the end of the bed. Sobbing I run my hand through my hair, smashing my fists against the ground just to pull them back up and cover my face with them. Y/N asked me to remember her and forgetting her after what Hydra did to me hurt the most. I run my hands over my face and wipe away the tears that drop on my clothes.

Someone knocks on the door.
"Hey Buck, you okay?"
Steve's voice comes through the door and I sigh.

"I'm fine."
I lie and try to sound as confident as possible but Steve enters the room anyways.

"What happened?"
He sits down next to me after his gaze wandered through the room. The stuff that was stored in the drawers lies on the ground, covered by the furniture's pieces.

I scoff. As if his sister didn't tell him.
"I punched the wall."

"Y/N didn't tell me why she left so please tell me."

For a moment I think about kicking him out of the room but maybe he can help?
"I scared her, Steve. She looked so terrified..."
I draw my legs close and bury my face in them.
"She hates me."

"That's not true, Buck. She loves you more than anyone else."

"Why do you say that? You didn't see what I saw. How she took this guy's hand... Her own hand, her whole body was trembling."

"I say that because she told me during our talk last night. You just have to fight for her."

Amazing, another fight.

"Really, Steve?"

"At least try to show her that you still love her. Let her know that you won't leave her again."

"I'm not sure if she wants that."

"I'm sure that she doesn't really want to marry Liam. She loves you, Buck. Why else would she still wear the ring you bought?"

Slowly I nod.

Maybe he's right?

-Y/Ns pov-
(Monday)

After the shock on Saturday I had to talk to someone and called my therapist. Luckily she had a free appointment today.
With James' ring in my hands I sit on the couch and gently caress it. My therapist looks at me and tries to interpret my body language. Over the years he became one of the few people I actually trust and I stopped hiding every piece of information that I still hide for most people.

"Y/N, you told me a few things on the telephone but what do you want or need to talk about?"
He takes his notebook and looks at me with a little smile.

I take a deep breath before I start and recall the weekend.
"Well, Friday I found out that my brother is still alive. After a little breakdown we catched up what happened and Saturday I got to meet his friends. But what I didn't know was that..."
I swallow and look at the ring, my voice is clear but quiet.
"That James is still alive too. So when I found out I had a panic attack."

"Why did you have a panic attack?"

"I thought... I thought James was dead. It really took me long enough to process it."
My breath is shaking and I try to calm myself down.

"Now that James is alive how do you feel about it?"

"I-I don't know... When I paniced he couldn't calm me down, he... He made me panic more... I couldn't calm down until Liam was there."

My therapist writes something down.
"Liam was there?"

"Yes, because I asked him to. When I told him that Steven is alive I asked him to accompany me to meet his friends. That way he was able to help me through the panic attack."
Talking about Liam calms me down and my therapist notices that too.

"So when you had the panic attack Liam was there to help you through it. What else happened?"

I swallow and look out of the window. For a moment I appreciate the beauty of the raindrops dripping against it.
"We talked... James and I... And he recognised the ring... But as we talked he made me feel... Guilty. Guilty for loving Liam... And I snapped. I told him that he wasn't there, how lucky I am to have Liam and his eyes, I just... He was so hurt..."

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Y'all worrying about me is literally so sweet ❤️
But I'm alright, just my mind and my body not cooperating. That's okay. It happens.
Thank you guys for your concern ❤️
~V