Paradise (MikaYuu)

25

(Yuu)

I woke up to the sound of shuffling and a distinct lack of, as little as there was, warmth. I forced my eyes open and saw long pale legs within grabbing distance. It took so much self restraint to keep my hands to myself until his suit pants were on. My eyes trailed up to his back where shoulder blades popped out at me, every little bend made his spine appear more and more prominent, each knob pushed against his back, every one had some sort of line going across it that I assumed were stretch marks of sorts, they seemed to fit perfectly with him. Eventually that too was covered, sadly.

My eyes trailed even further up to find blissfully blue eyes glancing back at me from the side, "I'll have to keep the spine thing in mind, weirdo." He shook his head.

"Do you have to go?" I asked, reaching out to him.

The room was too bright to look at after having just woken up, but I didn't dare close my eyes as Mikaela kneeled down next to me and laid his head right in front of my face, "I do." He offered me a sad smile and began to card his fingers through my hair.

I practically melted under the soothing touch, "Can you come back after and stay again?"

"Mhm, I'll bring my own stuff this time." his face seemed so soft and relaxed, it was a nice change from the sternness and half assed emotion.

"But I like the way you look in my clothes." I whined, earning a chuckle from him.

"I have to go now," He whispered as he drew closer, head tilting. Mika's lips were soft and the goodbye was just as tender, "I'll see you in a few hours, I love you." He gingerly tugged at my hair before all contact ceased completely and he was gone.

I was planning on getting a few more hours of sleep, but I doubted I would be able to now. I needed to think about some things. I really did love Mika, so much. I needed to figure out if I was being paranoid or reasonable and what to do in either situation.

The fact of the matter was Mika had to have known I saw his phone, but he didn't say anything about it. That green cloth covered in god knows what was purposefully placed like that. Mika didn't have the number saved, and it was on his personal phone. It seemed weird and I couldn't find any good reasoning behind it.

A knock on my door pulled me out of my thoughts, "What?" I asked.

"Did he stay?" Yoichi asked through the door.

"Yeah, he might be staying again tonight too." I informed him.

"Do you want me to go to Shiho's?" Were conversations always so question and answery?

"No, I'd prefer to have some kind of available cock block." I half joked.

I could barely hear Yoichi's sigh through the door, "You shouldn't need a cock block, Yuu. If you tell Mikaela no and he actually cares about you he won't be mad or think any less of you. You know that, right?"

There it was, that tone of pity that I hated so much, thank god it was rare for Yoichi to use it, it never failed to make me feel like shit, "I know." Was my automatic response, I had no fucking clue how Mikaela would react. Mika has been slow with me when I asked and understands I have sexual trauma. He'd probably understand if I didn't want to. But there were so many other people out there that would want to, and I couldn't confidently say he wouldn't rather be with one of them.

Our friendship escalated very quickly into a relationship, and since then we've had to manually apply the breaks every time we got the chance. With all that in mind, how was I to know if he really felt anything at all towards me? It just didn't seem possible for him to fall in love with me yet. Mika was different than me though, assuming he wasn't a serial killer, he was everything I wanted to be: generous, kind, strong, smart, attractive, witty, self-restraining, and logical...and I fell in love with that so quick. And then there's me: traumatized, emotionally closed off, over curious, over suspicious, and motivated by a second agenda. It was disgusting really.