Paradise (MikaYuu)

46

(Yuu)

I woke up gasping for air, finding myself in a mostly dark room that I recognized as Mikaela's.

Shit.

Mika was sitting on the end of the bed, staring at me, "What. The. Fuck." He asked me in a quiet, yet harsh voice, "What the fuck, Yuu? How could you-" he brought his hand up to his face as he let out an annoyed sigh, "no, I'm sorry. That's not what I meant. I'm sorry that you've been feeling this terrible, I'm sorry I couldn't see it, I'm very very glad that you're still here. The things that you're feeling are ok to feel and I know this is hard for you, much harder than it is for me."

I stayed quiet, I didn't know what I could even say. I didn't know how I got here, I didn't know if he found me, I didn't know why or how I was still alive.

Mika came over and sat down next to me, he gently tilted my head to get a better look at my neck, "Fuuuuuck me," he grumbled, "it's bruising really bad. Does it hurt?" He asked.

"...no." I answered in a hoarse whisper.

"Are you thirsty?" He gently ran his thumb over the line.

"Very."

"I'll get you some water," he stood up from the bed and walked towards the hallway, looking back at me from the doorway, "you're staying with me for a while, a long while. After talking about it with Yoichi, we decided I can keep the best eye on you, later I'll have you looked at by an in home doctor. We decided not to tell anyone since I'm already making sure nothing else happens, we're leaving it up to you if you want to tell anyone."

"I'm sorry." I mumbled out.

"Heh," Mika chuckled, "no you're not, and that's alright. I wouldn't be sorry if it were me." He walked out to grab a water and came back less than a minute later, handing me the drink.

"Thanks." I said. I physically felt like shit and emotionally felt like a black hole.

"I've already taken a lot of things out of the house," he informed me, "and you're not going anywhere without me. We're still going on the business trip in a few days and if you try to do anything there, we're coming home immediately and I will not let you out of my sight for a second."

"God, so we're back to this. Perfect. I clearly really want you controlling my entire life again." I sipped at my water.

"I know it's hard, and I know this isn't what would make you happy, but this is what we need to do to make sure you're safe," He placed his hand on mine, "people need you, Yuu, I need you."

"Yep," I replied half heartedly, "I remember all the times you told me about how much you wanted me safe. How much you did to keep me safe."

"I see you're getting that fire back," Mika rolled his eyes, "don't make me bring out the uglier side of me. You're staying here, and nothing is going to change that."

"Oh really?" I cocked my head to the side, "I'm a fucking adult, Mikaela. You can't keep me here if I don't want to be here. I am more than capable of leaving."

Mika looked like he had something malicious he wanted to say, my guess was 'try', but refrained, a fake smile plastered on his face, "That's nice, sweetie."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise, "Wow, I really want to punch you now."

"Ohhhh, I see." He kept going with the passive aggressive answers.

"You're really pissing me off." I gave him a final chance.

"Tragic." He responded.

I went to slap him across the face, and he was immediately on top of me, pinning my hands to the side of me, "Will you fucking stop it, Yuu? This isn't cute, it isn't impressing me, and it's not intimidating me. All you're doing is being an ass."

I just stared up at him, I was angry, I was sad, and I was more than sick of his shit. I didn't know if I was in the right or the wrong here, all I knew was I hated feeling trapped and every second around Mikaela turned me more and more into a caged bunny.

"Baby," he sighed, "baby, baby, baby. I don't even know if what I just said to you is alright or not, I don't want to make you more unstable but you need to understand that I have your best interest at heart. This is so much different than last time. Yoichi knows where you are, we are very open about our relationship and if you went missing this would be the first place anyone with half a brain cell would look, you are not isolated, you have access to your phone, you don't even have to be around me the entire time if you don't want to be. You can sleep in Asher's room as long as the door is unlocked, doesn't even have to be open. You can go into the living room, fuck, you could sleep on the couch if you feel like it. I. Do. Not. Care. The only thing that I care about is that you don't make another attempt or relapse. The only thing similar between this and last time is I don't care if you hate me, I care if you're alive."

"I don't know why I'm so angry right now." I admitted.

He stared down at me for a moment and sighed again, "If I had to guess, probably a fight or flight response. I know to you this must feel the same, but I promise you it's not."

"What the hell is even the point of this anymore? I don't want to be here, why are you making me? It's not like it's the end, there are other lives." I pointed out.

"Honey, sweetie, sugar pie, babycakes, love of my life, everyone has made it so abundantly clear to me that I'm not getting another chance after this. Why the fuck would I let my last chance get thrown down the drain by something as shatteringly depressing as you ending it all?" He asked, "I love you more than I know what to do with. And letting my last chance slip through my fingers like that is not an option. I've been so good this time around, or at least I've actually been trying to be. Please don't do this to me."

I stared at him with disdain, "How am I supposed to respond to that? I can't really say 'I don't give a fuck' after that or else I'm the asshole."

Mika blew some air out in what I suppose was meant to be a laugh before he leaned down to kiss my nose, "Trapped you."

Get the fuck away from me you needlessly happy bastard. I would not hesitate to shove my foot so far up your ass if I didn't think you'd somehow find a way to enjoy it. Every second I look at you is another second of my life wasted. If you were any more mentally deranged I would think you had rabies. Sweet mother Mary, get your face near me again and I will bite your nose off. You are literally the worst possible person to prevent me from another attempt.

"Mmhm." I responded.

He kissed my nose again and kissed my cheek, "I love you."

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

I pulled my face back to prevent an inconvenience to the ER workers that would have to sew his way too perfect nose back on. If god was real, he certainly had favorites, and for some reason this hellspawn was always one of them.

"Indeed." I clicked my tongue.

"Say it bacccckk." He whined.

Oh my fucking- "It back."

"You're a brat." He snickered.

And your mood changes faster than a 13 year old's tumbler blog.

"Do you think we're in the same universe as last time?" Mika asked as a change of topic.

"I don't know, I don't care, please stop talking to me. I have a lot I need to process and I can't handle you right now." I sighed.

Mika offered me a million dollar smile, "Ok. I'll make you something to eat, you don't have to eat it right away if you're not ready. Let me know if you need anything, I'll be downstairs."

This man was so quick to switch between an insensitive self-centered four year old and a responsible adult it could've made my head spin. But I was grateful for the time alone.

I was still very tired and I needed a minute, just a minute.