Paradise (MikaYuu)

50

The oldest rule of man:

Bitcheth was crazy
...

(Yuu)

Mika lightly knocked at the door, "Lovey, doctors here."

"They're coming up here?" I asked.

"Yep," he smiled, "I'm making this as simple as possible for you. All you have to do is sit there. It's impossible for this to overwhelm you."

Fuck, I could feel my stomach turning as soon as the words left his mouth. His message was clear: act normal and keep my mouth shut.

The doctor spent about half an hour looking me over, checking for any additional injuries while assessing the ones I already had,"Well, Mr. Hiragi, your neck looks just about spot on for someone who has made an attempt, but from what I can see it's just bruising. The cuts don't look to be infected either but they are deeper than average, I recommend keeping the area clean along with the basic triple antibiotic and bandages. Other than that, I'd give it a month and a half to two months to clear up more and we can figure out a plan for the permanent scaring once we see how bad it is. Expect to feel a bit nauseous, exhausted, or dizzy here and there. For now, I would focus on resting and hydrating. Some electrolytes may do you good as well, especially if you end up more nauseous than I anticipate."

"Ok, thank you." I said.

Mika cleared his throat, the doctor hesitated, "How has your sleep been since you've been here?"

"Not very good if I'm being honest," I shrugged, "the door's always open and Mika keeps the kitchen lights on."

"I'm sorry if that's bothering you," Mika said, "but the lights stay on, I need to be able to see when I can't sleep. I can buy an eye mask if it would help."

"No," I sighed, "it's fine, it barely bothers me."

"Anyway," the doctor continued, "I already know that you're feeling suicidal, but how are you feeling after the attempt?"

My eyes shot up to Mikaela and then back at her, it was going to actually tear apart my soul that I couldn't make a snarky remark. I literally tried to kill myself a few days ago, I'm not feeling jolly as a fucking rancher, "I'm dealing with it in my own ways," I nodded to try and subconsciously convince her, "it's a struggle, but every day," of these past 2 days, "is a building block in the right direction."

"That's great to hear," she smiled, "are you religious?"

Oh my fucking- "Not particularly, but I do feel as if a higher being has given me a second chance at life. And I plan to use this chance to the- to the fullest." Maybe I should stop bashing on Mikaela for how much he bullshits.

"Fantastic. I hope the best for you." She said.

"Ah, yes, you too, doctor. Thank you." I would've stopped giving a fuck years ago if I only knew.

She smiled happily at me, "It's no problem, really. I figure I'll be seeing you in 2 weeks for a check up, but I'll have to talk that out with Mikaela."

"2 weeks is fine, Doctor. Thank you again for being able to come so short notice." Mika thanked her stoically, and walked her to the door.

"God bless!" I called after. I think I managed to save a little bit of my soul with that performance.

Mika was back within 5 minutes, I was hoping he would fall down the stairs and die instead, but fuck me I guess.

"Don't you fucking touch me." I sat up a bit, I wasn't going to be the one to back down.

"Still on about that, are you?" He chuckled, leaning against the wall, "You know that I love you."

"You snapped on me, don't you even dare try to twist this. I'm not a child, Mikaela!" I shouted.

"That's not good for your throat, honey." He sympathized.

"Fuck off! We're not going back to normal after that! I don't know what you expect me to do after that! What the fuck am I supposed to do?!" I felt all the frustration I'd been trying to keep down. From Mika's snide comments to every change of his mood to all of the shit I endure on a daily basis because of this fucker. I fucking hated him, there was very little keeping me from rocking him, "I can't do this again, and I know you can't either. So why are you pushing it when we weren't meant to work? All you do is push yourself further off a ledge and traumatize me in the process! What could possibly be your endgame?!"

"You are my end game," he pushed himself off the wall and leaned down a little, placing a hand on my shoulder, "Not to sound like too much of an asshole, my love, but do you have any idea how I feel? Everyday I have to do mental gymnastics around the thoughts that want to make me snap, they're not even my own. Do you know what it's like to hear everything a more fucked up version of yourself thinks? Do you have any fucking idea what obsession does to you? I'm not even a shred of the person I was 8 months ago. Everything that I do ties back to you, I can't stop thinking about you," he laughed, "normally that would be cute, but we're not normal, and those thoughts constantly override any others, drown out every other fucking emotion. Absolutely everything in my life has become yours and I hate that more than I can express, but because everything surrounds you, a piece of me is so fucking high off the idea of you destroying me from the inside out," he huffed, "my endgame, Yuu, is to try and have a healthy relationship with you, and that can't happen until you get the hell out of my head."

"You're. Fucking. Crazy." I stated to him matter of factly, "There's no way you can expect me to believe, or even you believe, that's my fault!"

"I didn't say it was. You're grasping at straws, and I don't have the patience for this right now," He pushed me down onto the bed, "you heard the doctor, rest up." And then he just... started to leave? No invasion of my space? No further discussion? He had some fucking balls. I wanted to let him know how much I hated him... and he just walked away.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I'm going to sit in the living room. Do you have a problem with that?" His words were like knives, "No?"

"No." I answered back defensively.

"Don't pull this with me, we're not doing this. What? What do you need?" The way his cool blue eyes matched far too perfectly with the rest of his icy exterior gave me goosebumps. Mika had been mad at me before, Mika had been more than mad at me before, but this felt so different.

"Nothing. Leave me alone." I scratched the side of my thumb.

"Ok. I want you to rest. I'll come up for you in a few hours," he said, "I love you."

"Yeah." I answered back as he shut the door.

I buried my face into the pillow and screamed. I already couldn't do this and now the person that made it obvious he was going to control my life for as long as he could was somehow mad at me because of his problems. This was insane and I didn't have sanity to spare anymore. This was physically and mentally exhausting. If anyone ever told me about a partner like this I would tell them to leave that toxic mother fucker. I need to leave this toxic mother fucker.

"Shit," I mumbled to myself, "he still has my phone."