Paradise (MikaYuu)

53

(Yuu)

Ohhhh fuck me sideways, fuck me, fuck me, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh shit. Oh Jesus. Oh no. I'm such a dumb bitch oh god oh my god. Why me? Why always me? I know I killed a dude in my last life but he had it coming, I don't think I deserve this.

My heart was pounding so fast it was closing off my throat. Over the past hour I've been awake I'd had the absolute joy, the sheer pleasure, of experiencing a panic attack like I'd never had before. I actually felt like I was about to die, it felt like the air was crushing me on all sides and my choppy breathing was too loud for me, which only upset me more and made everything 10x worse.

My eyes darted to all corners of the room. Tied up and gagged and not in the good way, I wondered why the universe constantly had to slap it's dick against my face when it came to taking for granted how much safer I was with super psycho narcissist than any other person that also just so happens to detain me. What a ca-winky dink this is.

A door opened behind me, my heart pounded even harder than before and I was starting to feel light headed, my body had this unpleasant buzz.

A hand touched my shoulder and I screamed through the gag, trying to get away from the unwelcome sensation.

"You need to relax."

Everything seemed to pause as soon as I heard the voice, every part of me was tingling with confusion and panic. I didn't have it in me to form any kind of coherent response.

"Things will make sense soon, but we can't make any progress until you're ok."

I stared, completely awe struck. I supposed it made sense, I knew they had the capabilities, but I never thought that would push through into this life.

Why won't the Hiragis ever leave me alone? Do they think I killed Mahiru?

"I'm going to let you out of the chair so you have space and, while limited, enough freedom to process this. You won't be in here for long, you're not a prisoner, this is just until you're better," hesitation, "Are you mad?"

"YES I'M FUCKING MAD!" I shouted through the gag, it was mumbled, but I made sure it was clear enough.

"I'm sorry. I'm going to tell you something, it's something that I know you will never be ready to hear, but you deserve to know. It will hinder any progress for a long while, but I'm certain Mikaela hasn't told you. I've been specifically asked to tell you."

I stared, it seemed as if trying to spit it out was physically challenging. Fists formed in his lap, sympathy filling his eyes. He wasn't really the empathetic type so that immediately set off ever red flag in me.

"Yuu, I- I really don't know how to tell you. Yoichi..."

No.

All I needed to hear, and that was it. The moment that drove me into the ground. Like a punch to the gut, all the air left my lungs and I barely maintained myself.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

Arms wrapped around my neck, warm and comforting, although any kind of physical contact would comfort me right now, "I'm sorry, we should've done more." He slipped the gag off and I almost screamed.

Not again.

I stared up at him, one question burning me up. I hoped he would catch on to what I wanted to know.

I wiped my eyes with the hem of my shirt, the action was mechanical, like a machine in need of oil. But I suppose that made sense coming from me, "It's uncertain weather or not this was him again, but we are doing everything possible to figure it out. According to my brother, Mikaela isn't involved. I'm sorry, Yuu. I know how much this is hurting you."

I just kept staring, it felt like a chuck of my soul was ripped out in one word. Ray may have been right about Yoichi being my platonic soulmate, because without him it genuinely felt like I was half of who I used to be in just a second.

I knew it would've hurt more hearing it from Mikaela though, I was glad it was at least someone that I knew for a fact wasn't responsible.

"Do you want me to leave?"

I nodded my head, trying to keep myself together, I was so tired. Worn out, terrified, and grief stricken I let the darkness overcome me.
...
(Mika)

Words nor actions would be able to express what I was feeling. I did not think that it was possible for me to be angrier than I was when I was a child. Yuu being in my life had  continuously been a source of new experiences for me, usually good, but this was bad beyond what I was capable of concealing.

I wish I had more mental stability, if I did, maybe I would've been using this new found emotion to find whoever had the balls to take from me. But I wasn't stable, but what I was was fucking irate. I recognized the itch in my brain for what it was, I needed to do something smaller about it soon before it became a much bigger issue.

The wires of my brain were crossing over each other in dangerous ways, different traits fighting to take center stage — until finally, one did. Surprisingly, it wasn't something inherently violent, I was actually calm. Now that I had gotten my shit together, I decided it was time to put what I knew into action.

If I didn't find Yuu by midnight tomorrow, I would make absolute hell break loose.