Paradise (MikaYuu)

45

(Mika)

I adjusted the buttons on my shirt cuffs, making sure I looked half way decent before going out in public. It was hard enough for me to convince myself to leave Yuu, I didn't need to look like that decision killed me.

He was still asleep, he'd been sleeping for about 4 hours now and I really didn't want to wake him up just to tell him I was leaving for a little. I didn't want him to be alone with his thoughts.

I leaned over him, brushing the hair out of his eyes and kissing him on the forehead, "I'll be back in a few hours, I love you."

I hoped Yoichi wouldn't wake him up when he came home, I really would prefer Yuu to just sleep through me not being there.

I put my best poker face on and headed out. I figured that at best, the doctor would probably put me on some antibiotics and maybe a pain killer which I had a strong gut feeling I needed to hide. I'm pretty sure Yuu saw the ones behind my mirror and if he was going to be staying with me (hopefully permanently) I didn't want him using them to OD if he got too bad.

My phone began to ring the second I entered my car, "Oh my god, this annoying ass bullshit. I swear if this is about work, I'll fucking retire." I pulled my hair, I was feeling really aggressive right now and the whole thing with Yuu was stressing me out.

I answered the phone and before I could even get an annoyed word out I was met with a voice I'd actually been waiting to hear back from, "What did you want me to do?"

"Good afternoon, Ray. How's your day been so far?" I asked, my business formality coming out.

"Yeah, yeah, cut the shit. I was barely conscious and very not sober when we talked the other day. What did you want me to do when you leave?" I was kind of glad he wanted me to get to the point.

"I want you to pull records on the living former Hiragi employees. Not the average surface level ones that I took, the ones involved in the underground organization." I specified.

Ray was hesitant to speak and I could hear his breath halt for a moment, "Mikaela, you're joking, right?"

"No, why?" I asked.

"You forgot how we met?" He questioned.

"No, you were working on some project with someone I was involved with and we just happened to cli— oh. Ray. Raymond. Ray. That would've been nice to know earlier." I face palmed.

"It's not my fault your memory is ass," he snickered, "PuLl ReCoRdS oN tHe LiViNg FoRmEr HiRaGi EmPlOyEeS." He mocked.

"Shut up," I scoffed, "that was like 8 years ago, I can't even remember the last time I ate."

"It's truly a wonder that you're managing multiple successful businesses." He continued.

"Yeah, I know, I'm shocked too," I laughed, "Ok, well I still need you to check for the others. If you have updates make sure to call not text me, Yuu's gonna be with me and he has a habit of looking at suspicious texts I get."

"Both of you are absolutely fucking nuts, and that's coming from me. Does the crazy, like, cancel out or does it amplify it?" Ray asked in what I think was supposed to be a joke.

"Yes." I answered.

"That's not really an actual answer to that question." Ray pointed out.

"That's the actual answer though," I sighed, "Ray, I'm about to pull in to my appointment, don't start looking until after we've left, I appreciate the hell out of this."

"Are we gonna talk about you randomly snapping a couple weeks ago and beating the fuck out of me after threatening to kill my past wife and then actually killing her?" He asked.

"I mean... are we gonna talk about you meeting up with my boyfriend behind my back and shit talking me for 15 minutes and revealing a lot of information I didn't want him to know and then him coming home and lying to me about it?" I shot back, "Or would you prefer to talk about the time you assisted in killing me?"

"Nope, ok, I see we're both all good here." Ray forced out.

"Yep, I'll talk to you later, buddy." I said.

"Talk to ya later, bestie." He ended the call with one final joke.

Wow, that was exhausting :D

...
(Yuu)

I can't fucking do this. It's one thing after another and the trauma never ends. When was the last time that I was genuinely happy?

"Fuck!" I shouted, slamming my hand against the wall, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" I tangled my hands into my hair and felt myself having yet another anxiety attack, "I can't do this again, I can't do this again, I can't. I can't feel like this again, I don't wanna feel like this. No no no no no no." At this point was practically hyperventilating and I knew I needed to calm myself down somehow.

I ended up not even realizing that I went from gasping for air to not even breathing. I was just sitting there, shaking with rage and anxiety. I felt like I had emotionally been smacked with a bag of bricks.

I let out a shakey breath, finally calming myself down enough to think.

"I. Can't. Do. This. What the hell am I supposed to do? I can't break up with Mikaela or he'll snap. I can't talk to Yoichi or he might not go through with the marriage, I can't talk to Mitsuba or she'll go off on everyone, I don't have Asher, I can't trust Ray, I can't dump this on my parents, I have no one I can rely on right now, and I absolutely refuse to relapse— I won't be able to face them after that. I'm fucked. I'm literally fucked. There are no options for me to deal with this. I'm screwed." I began rambling to myself.

I looked over at the pile of clothes Mika had changed out of last night, he had them neatly folded up on my nightstand. What really caught my attention was the belt laying on top. A strangely long belt.

And suddenly, an option popped into my head.