Paradise (MikaYuu)

47

(Mika)

"I was following the pack, all swallowed in their coats, with scarves of red tied round their throats, to keep their little heads from falling in the snow," I sang a little tune while I prepared food for Yuu. I was happy that I was able to do something for him while still giving him his space. I actually really liked this, it felt strangely domestic.

He's going to hate you even more than he already does when he finds out.

"He won't find out." I assured myself.

I can't believe you fucked your chance up this badly.

"It's not a crime if you don't get caught." I laughed to myself as I added various spices to the meat. I was a little wrong in the head, but I wasn't sick enough to eat my food unseasoned.

And then you're going to do this to him?

"It's fine." I tied my apron tighter. I really liked this, it was like I was his house husband. He went out and made the money while I did all the things for him back at home... except I make the money, and he's currently not really allowed to leave the house.... but still, I enjoyed my little fantasy and there was no harm in making cooking interesting.

You've really lost it.

"I don't want him to hate me. I don't want him to be mad." I felt myself start to work harder to distract myself.

He will never look at you again.

"I'll make him." Satisfied enough with the conclusion to my thoughts, I went back to mumbling the words, "And I turned round and there you go, and, Michael, you would fall, and turn the white snow red as strawberries in the summertime."

...

"Perfect." I clapped my hands together as I looked at the table I had set up rather nicely if I do say so myself.

Why are you acting like this?

"I'm happy." I answered.

... no you're not. You can't handle what you did, can you?

"I didn't even do anything." I rolled my eyes.

Is this too fucked up even for you?

"Blah, blah, blah. Spouting nonsense to make me feel bad. Why are you always trying to ruin my mood?" I giggled.

You're fucking gone.

"...maybe." I shrugged.

You should go get him before it gets cold.

"Oh!" I face palmed, "Duh! How silly of me."

This is getting harder and harder to witness. Are we even different anymore?

"I don't know," I smiled brightly, "I hope we closed whatever gap there was."

You don't act any way we ever had.

"Well, to be honest, I think I'm running on fumes and denial," I laughed, "shoot! I forgot again! I better go get him."

I pranced my way up the steps, smile practically glued to my face. I don't think I could stop even if I wanted to. Why was I doing this?

I knocked on the door but opened it without a response anyway like an annoying parent, "Baby~ dinner's ready."

He looked up at me with glassed over dull eyes, he looked lifeless. It made me angry for some reason. Seeing him look like that pulled a string deep within me that made me want to hurt him, a feeling that I immediately pushed to the side as I sat down next to him, pulling him into my lap. I loved him. He always smelled good, his body was warm, and he fit so perfectly in my arms. We were like a lock and key, made specifically for each other.