The Pretty List ~ A Lams AU

✨10 ~ Storm Chapter✨

yeah its a storm chapter. got a problem?

Tw: yknow, idk panic attack's, what you'd normally expect

"There's gonna be a storm tonight." He says nonchalantly, scrolling through his phone.

I freeze, tensing up, dropping my pencil. "Oh?"

"Yeah. Sucks, I hate rain."

I hum back at him, half listening. Oh god. There hadn't been a storm in ages. I haven't.... in ages. I don't want to around John. I don't want to full stop. Oh god I'm panicking before the storm hasn't even started.

time skip brought to u by rosa diaz marry me

"Alex, budge the fuck over, you take up a lot of room for just sitting." John tuts, shoving me over and I roll my eyes.

"Bitch did you just call me fat?!" I ask, half sarcastic. He grumbles something under his breath slipping under the covers and purposely not facing me.

I sigh and turn the page. Fuck yeah I'm still reading, still a nerd.

I've found that John is a fan of older things, he likes Rubik's cubes, he has a Switch, he's always humming stupid old tunes, so I picked up a book from before world war 4. I didn't know he could be onto something. Probably not.

And I did not do this just so he would notice, I don't know why you'd think that.

I mean it's not like he has...

A loud bag of thunder startles me, and I drop my book.

No, no, oh god no, please don't, please don't do this.

"Aw fuck," John whispers next to me, looking over at the window as the rain breaks, but his voice is almost muted, like outside a bubble.

My breaths are speedy up, and getting raggedy, and I'm starting to panic. A stroke of lighting illuminates the room, in a quick flash, and I jump.

Oh god. I'm trying hard to fight this, I don't want to, I really don't want to.

"Alex? Alex, Hey Alex?!" I can slightly hear John saying, but he's almost blocked out. I can't, oh my god, oh shit. I hear the thunder again, and I instinctively move my hands to cover my ears, my fingers curling in my hair.

The rain is pounding on the window, like someone is throwing stones at the window. Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

All of a sudden I can feel something, John gently taking me in his arms, "Hey Alex, it's ok, I've got you." I lean into his chest, one of his hands covering mine, gently brushing his thumb over my fingers, getting them to relax slightly to stop me from pulling chunks out of my hair.

I squeeze my eyes shut tight, trying hard to shut it out. I didn't want to go back there, I can't, no.

"It's just a storm, it's just a storm, it's ok, it can't hurt you." He soothes.

But it can. It really can.

I clamp down harder in my hair, trying to block them out, but they came, in small flashes. The rain, the floods, the water, dark and terrifying. The screams, so many screams, his scream, my scream. I couldn't, I can't. Please, don't send me back there. I don't want to, I never want to, please, god don't.

"Alex, I've got you, ok? I'm here, I'm right here, it's now, it'll be ok, deep breaths for me ok, it's just a storm." He whispers, gently shushing, holding me. His voice was surprisingly calming.

I don't, I can't, oh fuck. The tears started falling, soaking my cheeks and John's shirt.

"It's gonna be ok. You're safe, deep breaths, I have you, you're fine now."  He whispers, gently removing my fingers from my hair and lacing his fingers in mine.

"I- I don't- I, please-" I whisper, almost pleading.

He shushes me gently, and it's soothing. "Hey, you're fine, I'm here. I have you. Don't worry."

I give up, gripping onto his shirt and sobbing. I hate this, I hate the storm. I can't fucking do this.

The wind picks up, and whips through the window, making a screaming noise that made me jump and press my face further into his chest. It's too loud, I can hear it through my hand.

I feel his grip start to slip and I cling to him, desperately.

"Hey, it's ok Alex, I'm just going to shut the window, I'll be right back, ok?" He whispers, planting a small platonic kiss on my head.

He gets up and quickly walks over.

I take deep breaths. I can't do this, oh my god. I count, slowly, as if that would help.

One.

Two.

Three.

Fuck

Four

Five.

Oh shit, I feel his arms snake back around me, and I breathe a small sigh of relief. I press my face into the crook of his neck, closing my eyes shut tight. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be anywhere but here, please. God, no.

"Alex, it's ok. I've got you, its ok I'm here, you're here, right here, it's ok."

He keeps going on, I should find this annoying, but his voice is oddly soothing now. It's worked it's way into the background noise.

He held me, way into the night, until the next morning, until the storm and eventually passed. I was still reluctant to let go of him, I didn't want to, I don't thunk I could like with the embarrassment. It's easier like this. Besides, I fit perfectly into his arms. It's nice.

He hums softly, running his fingers through my hair as I sniff, trying to get back what little dignity I had left. No one had exactly seen me like this before, except Socks. I had made no emotional attachment to anyone for them to see me like this.

Wait. Does this mean I have an attachment to John? No, please I can't. He's just a friend. Who I kinda respect. And who smells nice. And I fit nicely in use arms, and his voice is reassuring and I'd totally defend him-

Y'know what, I'll classify us as friends now.

Yeah, friends.

God it's been a while, it really has. I haven't actually had many since I came to America. Fuck.

As I jolt back to reality I realise he'd layed down. Oh.

Oh.

I was now curled up on his chest.

This is normal friend behaviour, right? You can do this no homo, yeah?

Yeah you totally can.

time skip bc they sleep and this is hard to write

I wake up, for the first time curled up in his arms. I shift a bit. It was comfortable, I won't lie. It felt right.

But so wrong at the same time. Wrong. We're friends. Friends.

Just friends.

Always.