The Pretty List ~ A Lams AU

✨19 ~ This Whole Chapter Is A Fourth Wall Break✨

fbheuikdcnfbheuidjdcheuiskxmn is this repetitive? probably

oh well, enjoy

I glance, frowning at my phone as it starts to ring on the table. Oh no who's calling me? Please don't make me talk to someone.

I pick up the screen to check if its worth answering.

My world 🤢🤢🤢

✅                ❌

Uh, why is John calling me? He's literally in the same house as me. I swear to god if it's another spider I will lock him in the room with it.

Besides, I'm still on edge from the complete mental breakdown I had yesterday in the snow, to the point where I don't know if I can talk to him. Everything's so confusing, he's the definition of mixed signals. And I think he's noticed that I'm still kinda avoiding him. I don't want him to think he's done anything wrong.

But now he's calling me. I frown at my phone, but pick it up and answer it.

"John what the fuck?"

"Alex, oh my god, Alex come the fuck here!" John laughs, spluttering.

Ummm? "Well, where are you?"

"I don't know, come find me."

"John, no wait-"

He hangs up on me. Little shit.

"John? JOHN?! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!" I yell. he cant keep doing this. At one point we even tried to use find my phone, but that didn't work that well.

Goddamnit.

time skip brought to you by GLAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM

"Fucking found you, that wasn't useful." I pant, out of breath from running around the house so much. "I hate you so much, never make me do that again."

"It's worth it." He laughs, holding out his phone towards me. "We have a fandom!"

"A what?" I frown, confused.

"A fandom! Fan fictions, ships, memes, SHIPS!" He laughs.

"No what, no wait what?"

"Yes!"

"Ok, starting to be worth it, ships?"

"Yeah," He laughs, signalling me to come sit next to him. I sit down, peering at his phone, still hesitant to be near him that much but giving in to the temptation.

"No... way." I breath, slowly taking his phone, "this is gold!"

I giggle as I read through some comments;

I can't believe John and Alex got together 😡😡😡 ruined my life 😭

Alex and Thomas are my otp 🤩🤩🤩🤩

           ->🤬😤No, john and Thomas are perfect

Alex and Sam are an amazing coupl, aloong with Peggy and George 😩😩😩

Angelica x Alex for life 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😘😘😘😘😘🤩🤩🤪🤪🤪🤪

"What is this? I've never talked to half of these people, how am I shipped with them?" I laugh, giving him his phone back.

"Oh no, you haven't seen the best of this."

I frown as he passes his phone, his fingers brushing against mine that causes a small little jump of my heart.

What is love? - a top ten y/n fan fiction 💖 (reader x John)

"What the hell is this?"

"No, no, read it."

"10 million reads? What the hell?!"

"We have a pretty big fandom, like my di-"

"ALRIGHT, no, let's uh, read this then, 'life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced', what the fuck is this, it's just fan fic?"

a/n stop calling me out alex 😭✋

"It gets better, it gets better!" He laughs.

"I'm scared but ok... sparkling blue orbs, we're thee lines in!"

time skip brought to u by everyone thinks they know the story, of dick turpins highway glory

"'They flight for dominance', these get repetitive," I say, taking a shot, laughing. Turning fan fiction into a drinking game is funny.

"Woah, descending into smut quickly, this is.... wow." John says, raising an eyebrow. We've read so many fan fictions, and I'm pretty sure I'm drunk. Either that or the worlds just casually spinning, it's fine.

"Member, I read member!" I shout, taking a shot glass off of the table. Honestly, fan fic writers need to come up with more words for penis, I'm sick of reading the word member over and over again, and dick.

"That can not be used as lube!" He shouts, quickly grabbing one, swallowing quickly and the shouting, "Bodies can't bend like that!"

"You're good at this."

"Of course," He laughs, slurring his words slightly.

"Would you even do this?"

"No, I'd rather drown."

I take a deep breath. It could just be the alcohol talking but I'm feeling really confident right now. Hell yeah.

"Would you do it with me?" I look over at him.

"Hmmm. Yeah, maybe. Depends." He winks and bites his lip.

"Oh you're so romantic," I giggle.

"Only for you babe." He gently rests his head on my shoulder as we keep reading.

"Falling asleep directly after smut, with no words or explication!" I point out.

"Oh my god, what is this, it was so bad. Also my penis is two inches longer-"

"Mmmmhmmm" I sigh, "Sure."

"You can check if you don't believe me."

"I'll have to politely decline that offer."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

mmmmmm still short sorry