The Pretty List ~ A Lams AU

✨30 ~ Oh Fuck✨

.... oopsies?

I sit up suddenly, clutching at the sheets, my heart racing.

It was relatively the same as last time, but there was no remembering delay, it wasn't John, and there was way, way more regret and guilt.

I feel sick. I feel like I'm gonna be sick.

Oh no, I didn't fucking do that. No. Please.

But I did.

I press my hand to my mouth. Please god no.

I get up quickly, grabbing my clothes off the floor, and putting them on quickly. Oh my fucking god, I can't believe I just did that. There were so many thoughts clouding my head, screaming at me, shouting at me about how badly I'd fucked up. And I know I did.

But the thing I could think about the most is him.

John.

I can't believe I did that, I went behiend his back like that. And if he ever knew, oh my god if he ever knew.

It'd break him.

What the fuck did I just do...?

My stomachs drops as Eliza stirs in the bed, and she sits up, rubbing her head, and then smirking at me. I feel sick.

"I-"

"No. Don't you dare talk to me. Don't you fucking dare, get the fuck out right now."

"Alex-"

"I don't care. Get out."

"But-"

"Get out!"

She huffs and mutters under her breath, grabbing her dress and pulling it quickly over her head and marching out. How the hell does she still have dignity?

I can't think straight, I can hardly think. Everything is building up at once.

I press my back to the wall, sliding down it with my head in my hands. I fucked up so badly.

I can't tell him. There's no way.

Fuck.

Why didn't I just say no?

He trusted me.

Oh my god, fuck. I'm fucked. What did I just do?

This could be used against me in so many ways. Eliza could fucking turn to the press and now everything would be ruined. Everything we'd worked towards.

Shit.

My phone buzzes on the floor beside me, and I pick it up slowly, my hand shaking.

   babe

✅           ❌

I take a deep breath and answer the phone.

"Hey..."

"Hey. Are you ok?"

"What, yeah I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"John I'm fine." I laugh, smiling slightly. But the smile is wiped quickly off of my face as I remember what I did. Fuck.

"Oh. If you're sure, I'm always here," I wish I could tell you, "I'm coming home soon, I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"I.... Shut up Martha! One second."

I can tell that he put down the phone and slightly muffled shouts can be heard, and laughter.

"Ok I'm back."

"John please do not tell me you murdered your sister, I can not deal with that-"

"No I didn't!"

"You sure because-"

"I'm sure!" He laughs and I let myself smile, "I just wanted to call you, I missed your voice." Theres a moment of silence, small whispering, and he says "Oh shit, I got to go, I love you bye!"

My heart jumps and he hangs up before I can say anything more. God you have fuck awful timing John.

I look down at my phone in my hands. I'm getting déjà vu here.

I take a deep breath and throw my phone across the room.

John's POV

"Don't you dare say anything," I glare at Maz.

"Hey, hey I'm not saying nothing." She puts her hands up in surrender but gives me a look.

I blush and press my face into my hands.

"Over the phone?"

"You're making it sound like we had phone sex."

"You practically did, I could heard the eye fucking from here."

"How would that work?!"

"In a multitude of ways dear brother. But next time tell me so I can leave the room-"

I pick up a pillow and throw it at her head.

time skip and Alex's POV

"John!" I shout out as he walks through the door, and he looks up at me, and I swear the way he looks at me makes his face light up, but it only makes me feel worse.

I run up to him, jumping into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist and pressing my face in his neck.

I fucked up.

So badly.

He stumbles backwards, giggling, and he hugs me back. "You're acting like you haven't seen me in years."

"24 hours is a long time." I whisper, resting my head on his shoulder and looking longingly at him. Fuck John, if only you knew.

He runs his hand through my hair and I mumble "I broke my phone..."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I kinda dropped it... against a wall."

He bursts out laughing, "Why did you do that?"

"Well I didn't do it on purpose."

"You thew your phone at the wall."

"By accident."

He giggles again and his laughter is infectious. "Can I put you down now?"

"No."

"But-"

"No."

i'm finishing this chapter the day before the book comes out lmao