Second time lucky

4

"Hey Britt." His voice came through the phone.

He was actually there, on the other side of the phone talking to me. I could barely comprehend it, my heart was beating out of my chest and I had no way to control the excitement in my voice, until it finally struck me that something must be wrong.

We hadn't spoken in months and now he was calling twice in a week. It didn't add up.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked slightly panicked.

"Britt I'm fine,I just- gosh I missed your voice..." he trailed off lost in his head for a moment.

"So what's up then?" I tried to ask casually.

"Listen I promise that I'll explain everything when I come back but I actually called to talk to you about the trial."

"Oh." I sighed. I really didn't want to think about that, much less talk about it, even if he was the only person I could really talk too.

"Listen you need to testify. I mean it. Britt your the only person who can put him away for good. If he gets out there's no telling what he could do to you, or the next girl."

His words resonated with me but I couldn't help feel agitated that it was the only reason he called.

"I know this already. Don't you think I know this!" I ran a frustrated hand through my hair as my eyes brimmed with moisture.

"I do, but I also know you Britt, I know that you're scared but he won't be able to get near you in that room, or hopefully ever again. I need you to trust me on this please?" He practically begged.

"You mean like the last time I trusted you?" I snapped.

"I deserve that, but I don't want you getting hurt." He sighed as the pain finally resurfaced.

"I already got hurt when you left without a goodbye and then ignored me for six months!"

"Britt I'm sorry- look moms trying to talk to the school so I can come back early for the trial, but you need to do this. Even if you're mad at me you know you feel safer with him locked away."

I wanted to keep being angry to tell him that it wasn't his decision, but he was right and in the same way he knew me, I also knew him and I could tell from the tone of his voice that he was worried, whether we had spoken since he left or not.

"I'll think about it. I just- I don't think I can look at him without you there. You're the only person that knows everything and I can't do it on my own."

"I'm working on it." He said "but hey I gotta go, I really did miss your voice .... lov—, I'll erm let you know what happens with the school"

"Bye Riley" I smiled to myself as I disconnected.

I walked back into the living room and jumped when I saw Kyle sitting on the couch. I hadn't forgotten that he was there, but at the same time I had.

"Everything okay?" He grinned at me as I walked over to him and sat on the couch, leaving some space between us.

Crap, we had almost kissed.

A part of me had wanted to kiss him, and yet now it seemed wrong. Talking to Riley had relit that flame inside of me that kept telling me that we would get through this bump in the road - that we would fix this.

I hadn't missed the way he almost said he loved me before he hung up and a part of me what still confused as to whether we were broken up, or whether he was in fact just too busy to talk.

"Who was it?" He asked when I hadn't spoken since I came back.

"Oh, erm... it was Riley." I said afraid to meet his eyes. He had been great to me and there was no doubt that I was developing feelings for him.

"Oh." He sighed. "Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, it was nice to hear his voice." I admitted as his shoulders slumped forward slightly.

"Do you want me to go?" He muttered quietly.

"No, I mean you don't have to, we can just watch a movie or hangout." I suggested.

He put his hand over mine as my mind suddenly realized the awkward position I was in. "Britt I'm going to go okay? I think .. well I think you need some time to process everything. I really like you Britt.." he began as my mind became a mess of confusion.

"Kyle, I .."

"No just listen, I really like you, I always have and I'm not going to ignore that something almost happened between us before that call. I just think you probably need some time to think, to figure out what you want this to be. I'll be here for you no matter what, but I am going to go for now." He spoke softly rubbing my hand.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled feeling guilty.

"Don't be sorry, I'll call you in the morning. But a piece of advice, if your choice is going to be him you need to tell him about the baby." Then he was out of the door and I was left to my thoughts.

He was right, the only way I was going to make sure Riley knew he would be a dad was if I told him directly. Still it wasn't a conversation I was willing to have over the phone, I'd have to put on my big girl pants and talk to him face to face.

Until then I had a lot to think about, starting with the one thing I dreaded the most. The trial.

I was going to have to find a way to deal with my feelings so I could testify. As much as it annoyed me that he was right, Riley had made valid points and I didn't want any other girl to experience what I had because of Carl, nor did I want to have to look over my shoulder knowing that I was the reason he walked free.

I had to find a way to talk about what happened without completely loosing my mind. In my head it seemed simple enough, and yet I had only ever spoken about it that one time in the hospital.

Averleigh and Riley were the only people that knew everything about that night. Kyle knew the parts he had walked in on, but it wasn't something that anyone ever brought up thankfully, well until now.

Of course I still remembered every single detail. I had relived it in my dreams, especially after Riley had left. It was almost as if he was my armor that protected me from the bad dreams and without him they were free to run wild, to taunt me at every opportunity.

I pulled out my notebook and wrote down a series of names I would attempt to explain it to. It had to get easier the more I tried right?

The list was pretty small but as I looked over the names I knew that not a single one of them would judge me, or make me feel bad about it.

Anna,

Spencer,

Get the family I had close by out of the way,

Ava

Brett

Kyle

Levi.

Somehow I had subconsciously arranged the list according to the difficulty that I believed I would have to explain the awful details too.

Kyle and Levi were the last on the list. Kyle because I knew I couldn't bear it if he treated me differently, even though he was there and had a good idea of what happened.

Levi was last. He was my older brother and the last thing I needed was for him to go crazy over it. I wanted to leave it in the past, but my parents had informed me that they would all be at the trial and I didn't want my brother getting in trouble.

The first time he hears the details needs to be a safe place where he can lash out if he needs to, not a room with police or the creep who assaulted me.

I didn't have long to tell them and prepare either, so I would have to start soon.

I texted Anna and set up some time for us to get together in a couple of days. It wasn't going to be easy, but out of everyone she was the closest thing to a sister and she always gave me great advice even if she was younger .

The rest of my issues would have to wait until after the trial. This needed to be my focus and it was going to take every single ounce of my willpower to get through it.

I could only hope that luck was on my side and the one person I needed the most would be there.