Second time lucky

50

I looked up to see Riley beside me still nestled under the blankets. He looked better, peaceful as his chest moved up and down to the steady sound of his breathing.

Fortunately when I climbed off the bed he didn't move this time. I quietly snuck downstairs and put a cup in the Kurig. I wasn't a big coffee fan, but I was exhausted .

I let out a sigh as I put the warm liquid to my lips and swallowed it down, letting it warm my body as I let last night sink in, really sink in.

How had things gotten to the point that he had resorted back to drinking?. I had never seen him drink more than a couple drinks, certainly not enough to get him to the level he was last night, but I know he had been there before, he had told me that when he returned.

It was almost seven and I was hungry. I started getting things out of the fridge, preparing to make some food when I heard movement upstairs and the water turning on. At least he was awake.

I lightly seasoned the chicken before putting it on the skillet and put some stir fry vegetables in the wok beside it. Food may not be the solution to fixing the issues we have, but if the ache in my stomach was any indication it was certainly not going to hurt.

When it was done I set it onto two plates and let them sit in the oven to stay warm as I rinsed the dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher, my mind still heavily preoccupied with the memory of her lips all over his.

"Hey." He startled me.

"Oh, hey?" I turned around. "I err... I made dinner, if you're hungry?" I stammered awkwardly.

"Britt..."

"I made chicken and .." I anxiously reached into the oven to grab the plates forgetting that they were hot. As soon as I pulled the first one out, the hot porcelain scolded my skin as I cursed and let it go.

It smashed on the floor, scattering food and shards of white everywhere. I was extremely overwhelmed, and while it would be easy to blame most of my problems on Riley, the truth was that there were other things below the surface, things I wouldn't even admit to myself.

I didn't feel the first droplet, or the second. In fact nothing was registering at all. One minute I was bending down to pick up the mess and the next I was on the couch with tears skipping down my face as Riley tried to clean and bandage the cut on the side of my hand.

"Shh, Britt it's okay." He tried to soothe me, but his voice couldn't couldn't calm the confused storm inside of me. Unsure of where we stood I jumped to the only conclusion I could think of.

"You promised." I let out a strangled sob. "You promised you wouldn't leave me again, that you wouldn't hurt me."

"I know." He sighed.

"I mean I can't even compete with that! I should have known better, why didn't I know better?" I started rambling as my body shook from the sobs escaping me.

"Britt."

"You were right the first time you know?" I looked up at him as he watched me. "You leaving without saying goodbye hurt really bad, but knowing you're saying goodbye hurts so much more."

I buried my face in my hands bending over my legs as I let myself do the one thing I had told myself I wouldn't do. I slipped closer and closer to the dark place that had consumed me the first time.

Maybe I should have known better, known not to blow up the good thing I had for something that was already broken. It wasn't fair. Why did I not deserve happiness? Kyle had Hannah, and now it seemed Riley was about to leave and live his life with Courtney.