Second time lucky

23

It was all over his face, hard not to notice especially when he refused to look in my direction at all. I had assumed he may feel awkward about the whole breakfast debacle, but the look on his face told me it was much more than just breakfast.

I really didn't want to argue this morning, part of the reason I had thought to send the kids with Riley was because I knew Riley wanted to spend time with his kids, and I wanted to spend some time alone with Kyle. Unfortunately it looked like only one of us was going to benefit from that decision and it didn't look like it was me.

"What's wrong?" I asked Kyle after a few minutes when he still refused to look at me. "You're literally acting like I kicked your dog, what did I do?"

"Don't play dumb Britt. He fucking slept here?" He still didn't turn to face me.

"I already told you I didn't know until this morning that he didn't leave." I explained.

"Yeah,right." He huffed "You don't ever go to sleep without checking the door is locked and the kids are in bed. I don't believe for one second that you fell asleep on the couch and he just happened to walk upstairs to go to sleep." He raised his voice slightly.

"You know what Kyle, you think whatever you want to. I literally did what you told me. I told him to come over so we could talk, we talked and I fell asleep on the couch. I didn't plan to fall asleep on the couch, or to wake up and find him asleep with our kids but I did and that's what happened." I turned to walk away as I felt the anger bubbling inside me.

"Did you screw him too?" Kyle spat as I quickly spun around to face him.

"No I did not!" I screamed back as the bubbling made its way up my body. "But I'm also not going to punish our children because we both made mistakes four years ago! They deserve to know their father Kyle, you told me that." I yelled.

"Whatever, I'm leaving." He stated coldly before grabbing his jacket and aggressively stomping to the door. "One last thing, you can throw these out since you don't even consider that maybe someone wanted to surprise the kids!"

He threw down something on the table by the door before slamming it shut and storming out. I took a deep breath, unsure of how I was feeling after our first big fight and took a look at what he had put down.

Circus tickets. The same circus the kids had begged to go to, but that I didn't have the money for.

Just great.

Maybe I was the problem. Maybe I was selfish. There was only one person who could handle the rollercoaster of emotions I could feel breeding under the surface.

"Ava I need you!"

I needed my person. Someone who could decipher the range of feelings and conflicting emotions I was feeling and she was the only person I had that wasn't bias and would tell me how it was without all the coddling.

Thankfully it didn't take her long to get to my house and once she arrived I set into explaining each detail of the last twenty four hours, beginning with Kyle telling me to talk to Riley and ending with him getting mad at me for letting Riley take the kids for the day.

I watched as her face scrunched up as she opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again. Her silence was unnerving, she had never been the person who thought about what she said. She was the person, my person, who, blurted out what she thought without a second blink. She was the one who could see the very things I was blind to, and then point them out to me without a cautious thought. But now? Now she was thinking hard about what she was going to say and that only made me even more anxious.

"Ava, please. Say something?"

"I'm sorry, I just... I don't know what to say." She apologized.

"Just say anything, what's your opinion, what would you do?" I pleaded.

She ran her manicured hand through her curled hair and tucked it behind her ear before she let out a deep breath and looked at me. "My opinion is irrelevant, but I told you this would happen. I told you that you still had feelings for Riley when you started dating Kyle and now we are here. I know you don't want to admit it, but my opinion is that you're still in love with him. I think you love Kyle, but I don't think you'll ever feel the way for him that you feel for Riley."

"That's not fair." My shoulders slumped as she continued.

"It's not about what's fair. Britt you don't understand where I am in all of this. Your my best friend, Riley is Bretts best friend, and Kyle is my cousin. I'm in the middle no matter what."

"I'm sorry, I" I started but she continued anyway.

"Don't be sorry, but you need to figure out what you want to do and who you want to be with. Kyle has been there for you every step of the way with the twins and I know he's not their dad, but he kind of has been that for them. I can see why he was upset that you didn't even consider his feelings when you let Riley take them, after he found out Riley had stayed here. No one is okay with their partners ex spending the night, no one."

"It wasn't like that." I protested.

"I know it wasn't, I know you like the back of my hand and I know you wouldn't ever do that, but look at it from his point of view. I know Riley wants to be with the twins, and he's their father and it wasn't totally his fault he wasn't there, it's just a tricky situation all around."

"I messed up big time!" I sighed as she put her arm around me.

"Yeah you did, but now we need to fix it. I just don't know how we are going to do that yet." She patted my back. "Why don't you try to figure out your feelings first."

"I need to apologize to him."

"Yeah you do, but later, after we do some retail therapy and pick up the twins, come on!" She smiled.

.....

As with true retail therapy we walked the mall for hours and bought very little. It was mostly just looking at clothes and saying they were cute before deciding that I didn't want to actually spend money and placing them back on the racks.

Ava was excitedly talking about wedding plans. It was a good distraction and honestly it was great to hear the excitement in her voice. Apparently she wanted a simple beach wedding, just close friends and family. "We want to go on a cruise for our honeymoon for a few months, so we are trying to save on wedding costs." She explained and I understood.

We took a seat in the food court as she kept talking before she asked "what kind of wedding do you want?"

It didn't take much for me to start blabbing about my dream wedding. I had been planning it since I was a child, from the decor to the food, to the dresses and suits. I hadn't gone as far as to make a scrapbook or anything like that, but I was certain in what I wanted.

"Well, " I began, "I always imagined an outside wedding, somewhere in the mountains, maybe a nice flower arch or some pretty white streamers. I'd have one of those lace form fitted dresses with a loose skirt that flowed at the bottom. I'd have may hair half way pinned up and the bottom in those tight angel curls. My dad would take my arm and walk me down the aisle as I tried not to cry."

I was in a dream now, my eyes closed as I explained all the intricate details of the wedding I dreamed of.

"And who is at the alter waiting for you?" She asked but it didn't sound like a question. I was too busy encompassed by my fairytale daydream that I didn't even recognize the words that tumbled out of my mouth until it was too late.

Ava had clearly picked up on it, giving me that knowing look as I ran my hands through my hair. The complicated mess of my love life had just gotten more complex and it was going to hurt. I was going to hurt someone no matter what, but it was going to be necessary.

I only hoped that he would eventually forgive me for all the pain I had caused. Our relationship was important to the twins and they needed him. I still needed him.