Second time lucky

62

Britts pov

They say that in times of trauma the brain blocks out periods of time that were too much for us to handle. As if those very memories would cause a person to lose their grip on reality, make them a lesser version of themselves if the truth replayed over and over in their mind.

I wasn't one of those people who were given the ability to forget.

The moments before, every single painful second that I waited for her to kill me, every feeling of leaving him and the kids behind weighed on my chest like I was pinned down under a ton of bricks I couldn't escape from.

I didn't know how to even begin processing anything that had happened. One look at my sweet babies faces when we got home almost broke me. Almost.

Watching them cry as I hugged them tightly, knowing that they were hurting because of something I couldn't control, it was gnawing at the brave charade I was trying to put on for them - so they knew we would be okay.

I didn't talk to anyone else that night. I sat in the kids room watching them sleep for hours until Riley finally convinced me to go to bed. As soon as his arms were wrapped tightly against me, holding me as close as possible, That's when I finally let it all go.

I was facing away from him as his hands squeezed my waist. I sniffled, a little too loudly as his grip tightened and I laced my fingers with his.

"I'm sorry." He whispered causing me to break out of my montage of painful memories.

I pushed it all away, Alexis's crazed eyes, the sound of the gun clicking as she pulled the hammer back, the sound of her voice as she told me that she would kill us all if I didn't go with her. Instead I rolled over to face Riley and what I saw hurt more than anything Alexis had done.

The subtle hints in his eyes, the expressions on his face, all of which would go unnoticed to most were like bright flashing neon signs when I looked at him.

His eyes were red, watering, and there was a haunted look in them that told me just how much today had hurt him too.

"Riley don't." I said pressing my fingers to his lips. "You didn't do this, she did."

"I know but.."

"No buts." I cut him off and wiped his eyes before wiping my own. "Me and you... we have got through so much and we can get through this." I said knowing I was more or less trying to convince myself. "We are both here, our families love us, and we have beautiful children. We are going to be okay."

I watched as he blinked another tear that I wiped with my thumb. His eyes were softer now, still haunted, but softer as I watched my works sink in.

He sighed and blew a long drawn out breath as his eyes closed. When they opened he smiled weakly and nuzzled his nose against mine.

"You're right. I'm still sorry it happened to you, but we will get through this as long as we have each other. I love you so much, the thought of losing you..." he sucked in a deep breath.

"You didn't, I'm right here. I know you did what you had too. I love you Riley." I said honestly and brushed my lips against his just as a set of piercing screams echoed from the kids room.

Neither one of us hesitated to jump up and rush to their room where both Emelia and Connor were thrashing in their sleep.

"No no no"

"Don't take our mama."  They continued to thrash and twist in the beds.

"What do we do?" He asked me panicked.