The Snake of Wall Street | Theodore Nott

CHAPTER 9: THEO

Day three. And after last night I couldn't help but find myself knocking on her door again. I should've learned some self control. Ive read a book like this before, and I didn't like the ending.

She opened the door, smelling like watermelon still, fresh out of the shower. "Back again already?" She smiled exposing those perfect teeth

"You know it's getting really hard to be here and not fuck you" I blurted

"So then why don't you?"

I caught a glimpse of the old me. The old me would've made it special for her, I would have at least brought flowers to give her. I mean for fucks sake I haven't even kissed her lips. Oh how the old me would be disappointed in me

She deserves special, and I can't give that to her. So as much as I want to rip that fucking night gown and fuck her all night, I just simply can't

"I'll see tomorrow at breakfast" I looked at her one more time before walking away, because when she does have sex I want it to be worth something, then she can look back and be so glad she didn't do it with me

I laid in my empty room, I don't know why but I miss fighting with her. I want her to get an attitude and snap at me, I love the way she talks. Even a couple hours away from her sucks and I hate it.

For hours I couldn't sleep, so when she knocked on my door I jumped up scared shitless

"I didn't mean to scare you away"

I grabbed her hand, it was warm and her fingers interlaced with mine "You didn't"

"Well I just came to tell you that" She pulled away her hand but I held on

"You can stay" I should've said how I wanted her to stay

"Okay" she stepped inside

We laid face to face not really saying anything just looking, she was beautiful the type of beautiful that makes me want to get my old painting supplies and draw her so I never forget how beautiful she is. Not like I ever could.

"Tell me something nice" She asked, I realized that we hardly say nice words to each other

"Around this time of the year, when I was little I used to decorate the house with my mum, we once even bought a christmas jumper for our cat" I felt this warmth even thinking about that memory

She smiled "What was your moms name?"

I swallowed hard "Primrose" for some reason I felt my eyes get blurry and I tried to fight back the tears

"I won't judge you if you cry, I know, I even know about the mark"

My heart stopped "What?"

"I figured it out, and I kind of saw it the other day when you fixed my knuckles"

I sat up, I couldn't look her in the eyes anymore "Can you leave please"

"No"

My arm started burning I felt my temper rise and I couldn't handle it anymore "Get the fuck out"

She sat up too "You can talk to me"

I scoffed when in my life have I ever been able to talk to someone "Please get out, I don't want to yell and I don't want to talk to you"

"I'll just listen, you seem like you're in a lot of pain"

"For fucks sake dont you get it, I don't give two single fucks about you, I only even talk to you so I can fuck"

"Liar"

"No Livingston I promise all I fucking want is to fuck you or just you sucking me off is enough, I don't want to talk, I don't want to be friends, so GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM"

"Two hours ago you didn't want to have sex and now you're claiming that's all you want"

I cant control this anger I just can't and she's the one here to get the backlash

"Fine then" I stood up and walked over to her and pushed her shoulders down laying her on her back "From the front or back you tell me, slight warning it's going to hurt"

"Get off of me" She kicked me in the stomach hard. Making me stumble back

I lost my breath. That is exactly how my mum used to beg my father to stop. I remember I could hear her crying from my own room begging him to stop and just let her sleep.

I have become the person I hate most in this world.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"

She wiped her eyes and left slamming my door so hard I was almost sure it was going to snap

I couldn't even apologize for talking to her like that and acting that way, she didn't come out at dinner, not even for christmas, I knocked on her door and she wouldn't answer. I deserve it. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

I don't know what is wrong with me, she's right i'm always in pain and it's unbearable it gets to the point where I snap at people even the people I care about.

I started to wonder if my father said the same excuses that I am right now.

So I sent her flowers, she sent them back. I sent her letters apologizing she sent them back, still sealed.

I never have hated myself more, just thinking about the fear in her eyes, she cried and it was all because of me.

The last day of break I knocked on her door one last time. And I stayed standing there waiting, hoping.

She opened it, seeing her face again made my stomach flutter

"Leave me alone, stop writing to me, stop sending me flowers, stop knocking on my door. Leave me alone."

"I just wanted to say i'm sorry"

"So you've said" she started closing the door again

"I wouldn't have hurt you, I never will"

She held the door "You already have, you made me feel small, I trusted you and you made me feel weak for doing so."

There were no tears, no shouts, no emotion. Ivory Livingston respected herself too much to even care about me anymore.

"Trust me, I hate not talking to you and i'll do anything to make it up to you, trust me"

"You broke my trust" she slammed the door.

I still dreamed of her every night.