A Royal Adventure

26: I Could Do It

Remus' POV

Song: Issues
By Julia Michaels

I ran to the top of a cliff. It was sunny and I was even more pissed about that. I wanted it to rain and to be dramatic, because I'm dramatic.

I look at the tiny town, thinking of my brother. Dying and probably nervous, if he's awake. I hope and I pray to God he is.

God.

At this point, I'm positive there's no such thing as that anymore. Whenever I want something, it's taken from me. People have a bad day, but I've had a bad life. Most people get heard over time, but it's taken me most of my life, and I'm still not being listened to. Whenever something good happens, I get the worst of it. I've consistently reminded myself that I can't get too happy because life is just gonna bring me back down with something. People tell me that they're tired, but I am too. I don't whine, complain or talk about it because there's no point in that.

As I look down at the town, seeing every building and every tree for acres and acres of land, I think about Roman. I think about our childhood. I think about Molly, I think about Mom and Dad.

"So what now, huh?" I ask, looking up at the sky. It's sunset and it's a beautiful one. The sun kissed the grassy land from where I could see. It's beautiful in every way. Roman would've loved it. "What do you want from me?" My hands by my side, tears streaming down my face like a waterfall. I walk forward and some rocks fall down the cliff as I look down at the ground. It's a big drop and I'd surely die if I jumped. I want to jump.

"Yeah, I could do it. We both know Roman or Molly or Janus or anyone can't stop me." I look up at the sky, wanting to talk to Thomas. Thomas Sanders. I just wanna talk to him and understand why he writes me the way he does. "Tell me what you're doing." I received no answer. I hold my wrists in front of my body.

"Okay, I'll turn into Logan and look at the logic. Thomas, you think you create us. Yet, we suffer enormous amounts of pain and then we'll die. Maybe you and Joan should've had a few more brainstorming sessions before you met us, huh? You know, some say God rested on the seventh day. Maybe you could've spent a seventh day working on compassion." I look down and kick some rocks over the edge, placing my hands by my side again.

"You know what," I say, slowly and softly. "I'm not worth it." I turn to walk back to Roman and I see a snake. It's not yellow, it's a Dusky Pygmy Rattlesnake. It stops when it spots me and lifts its head to look at me. I stare at it. Janus. Of course! I can't leave them! I may not be living for Roman anymore, but I'm sure living for Janus. They're the only person who has the key to my heart, the only person who knows all my secrets, and the only person who's seen me beg for them to stay because I'm scared. No one knows me better than Janus does. Fuck it. Janus probably knows me better than I know myself, and I can't thank them enough for it. If it's one person I care about, it's them. I can't leave them.

I smile at the snake, thank it, and run back down to the hospital. I have to see my brother. I have to make sure he's okay.