Longevity ~ DNF

~10~

TW- Panic attack/ talks about suicide and sh

"George. Wake up birthday boy." My Mom was sitting on my bed shaking me awake. I didn't get much sleep last night and I couldn't be bothered to get up today.

"I don't feel good." I lied. Which my Mom clearly noticed.

"George please get up. I know it's hard being the first birthday without him but- just please get up." She kissed my forehead and walked out of the room.

I've been so busy thinking about everything else that my birthday just never fazed me. But when I remembered what day it was I was hit with guilt and pain and the need to cry myself to sleep again.

I sobbed for hours last night over not only losing my Dad but the fact I was inches away from hitting my breaking point. If I ran into Clay today I know for a fact I would break. 

I'd fall apart. So much stress and anxiety has been building up inside me and now I was back to a point where I was grieving my Dad. I would end up at square one again. Back where I was when he passed away. I couldn't deal with that again especially with the life I have right now. So I made the decision to curl up into a ball and fall back asleep instead.

"George! get up! You have school." My Mom walked in again pulling the blanket off my body. I shivered at the cold air shoving my head into the pillow.

"George I know this is hard for you. But I also know staying in bed all day isn't going to help anything. You already missed the bus so please just get up and I'll drive you." She sat at my door making sure I stood up. I was upset at her. She normally never put school before my mental health but clearly when I was at my worst she did.

I grabbed some sweatpants and an oversized hoodie and made my way into the bathroom. I looked at the dark circles under my eyes and the dried tears resting on my cheek. I looked like shit and I really couldn't care less.

I brushed my hair out with my fingers and used the bathroom not even bothered to brush my teeth. I made my way downstairs as soggy waffles sat on the counter. They were just how my Dad made them on my birthday but I couldn't bring myself to eat them.

"I'll be in the car." My Mom sighed sadly at me grabbing the keys and making her way outside. I followed her out grabbing my bag. I sat down in the passengers seat looking out the window. Tears threatened to spill and it took everything in me to hold them back.

When we pulled into the school I stepped out saying bye to my Mom without even looking her direction.

"I love you" She spoke softly. I didn't reply knowing I would burst out into tears if I did.

I made my way into the school walking by my locker. People would soon be let out for second period so I waited at my locker for a while.

Foot steps came my way and a slam of my locker forced me to look up at the boy in front of me.

Please not now.

I couldn't handle it I would burst out in tears and that would be more embarrassing than anything else I could of done.

"Look it's my favorite punching bag. I missed you in first period." He coed. He always spoke to me like I was a baby at first and it bugged me more than anything.

"Please just go I'm not in the mood." I whisper out trying to walk around him. He slams his hand against the locker blocking me from walking away.

"Now why would I do that?" His face was inches away from mine and my breath hitched as I could fell his hot breath on my nose.

Soon a fist collided with my left side pushing me further into the lockers. It took all of my might to stay standing as he shoved me against the locker again.