Longevity ~ DNF

~29~

This is a final part two to get into the look of Dreams view. I wasn't planning it but I realized I had a few holes to fill before going to an ending so switch up real quick lol

Clay POV

Laying in the silence of my room other than the buzzing from my ceiling fan was tiresome. Only small naps in the night only to be woken up by my own head. It's like my brain was telling me I didn't deserve sleep. That I couldn't have it. That I wasn't able to.

So instead I was up at 4 in the morning emotionless as I stare up at the ceiling.

All my emotions came out earlier in the night. The tears, the puffy eyes, and the messed-up bedroom were all examples of how helpless I felt.

I hated how it all went down. I hated that I didn't win in the end. That I didn't get him.

And that it was all my fault.

I was the one who let the anger my Mother caused to get put out on him. To continue doing it for the small happiness I got from seeing him hurt. To let him feel a sliver of pain I felt. All for it to crash down as I was hit with guilt moments later.

But it was too late, I couldn't stop it.

I didn't expect to find myself in love with him. To find out that he was my best friend. Or the person I had finally found as my own. He made me so happy, more than anything in this world.

And when I found out it was him I was ecstatic. Just seeing his face on the screen made my heart warm. He was so beautiful and fit his personality so much. I was filled with joy and a whole swarm of butterflies.

But that didn't last long.

When I realized who it was I felt so lost. I felt like I had just lost my person. Like they were gone in a flash even though he was sitting in the call sobbing, it felt like he left years ago.

I had hurt him so much that day. I didn't even know what he was going through but I could tell he wasn't even close to who I thought he was. He was so much stronger and I felt so guilty for everything I did. But it was done, and I couldn't fix it.

Time passed and soon I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I wanted to tell him on call but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Then when we met and I apologized and told him things I haven't even told Sapnap yet.

I almost didn't tell him. Almost.

But our moment of intimacy. The way his eyes and lips became my weakness gave me the courage to tell him the truth.

Watching him run off was like a stab in the heart. I wanted so bad to run after him, I would of if I didn't know better. But he needed space, and I could respect that.

Different times seeing him, and all the days with his new boyfriend Delem hurt me. Each second I was away weakened my confidence that I could work us out. At one point I just knew it wasn't possible anymore.

When he didn't say it back I knew. I knew that he didn't love me the way I did him.

I mean who would? Who could ever love someone like me?

I'm so fucking broken. My family is broken.

After my Dad died my Mom turned to drugs and alcohol. I was only 12 having to raise my baby sister. At least my Mom was still around at this point.

She did end up getting better, but that didn't fix anything.

She found a new guy. He was rich and hated kids. Especially Drista. One time when she was around 5 he was screaming and yelling at her. Telling her how much she ruined my Mom's life.