Longevity ~ DNF

~8~

It did in fact become a regular thing.

Every week I got a punch to the stomach normally more than once. Halloween was tomorrow and it had been almost two months of pain and suffering from Clay.

I was numb to the pain now. It still hurt and I still felt it but I didn't fight. Their wasn't a point. Either way I was to weak and stupid to fight him off or not get into situations where I was vulnerable. 

People were getting worried about me. I was going back to how I was when my Dad died. My Mom was getting really worried not knowing what was causing me to change.

Change into a person who had no motivation to get up in the mornings anymore. I was always mentally exhausted from the world and from Clay. I didn't tell anyone too embarrassed of what would happen when I did.

People would call me weak and stupid for letting him walk all over me. For months I've been getting weekly punches and side comments that are slowly tearing down the only happiness I had left.

Sooner or later I would break and I was hoping I was in a good place when I did because at that point the only thing controlling my actions would be my thoughts. And I know that wouldn't go well for me. I know that if I had the option to not wake up again I'd take it.

The only thing keeping me sane anymore are the few people in my life that I love and care about. Mostly my sister and Mom. I cared for my friends and was thankful for them but I wasn't here for them and none of them would truly suffer if I left.

But one new person made their way into my life playing a big role that I didn't plan to give up so easily. He was my escape. The person I could go too to escape my reality. All the mean comments that I try to convince myself aren't true. All the physical and mental punches I get thrown at me everyday.

I wasn't just blaming Clay for this. My mind has always been a little hard on me but recently I haven't had the energy to ignore the thoughts. To ignore my mind telling me I deserved everything that Clay was giving me. That he was doing me a favor. I just didn't have the energy to fight it anymore.

But Dream made me feel ok again. At night I felt safe and happy in my own little bubble. And all the mean comments and dark thoughts left me alone.

Recently I've been feeling things for him I probably shouldn't of. I was starting to like him more than friends. I guess I did since the first night he texted me. But the hours we spent on call and the night calls we had. The way he complemented me and made me blush. I didn't even know what he looked like but he made me fall in love with his personality.

He would flirt with me and make me feel cared for. It was the smallest comments but they meant everything to me when he said them. I didn't open up to him about my life but I didn't find the need too. He read me and knew everything about me without needing to know my past and present. He was able to fix something he couldn't see.

And maybe the fix was temporary and only for a few hours but it felt good to be whole again. To feel safe.

Today was Saturday, the day before Halloween. Me and Bad planned to go shopping for a Halloween costume. After he would come to my house and play Minecraft with the group.

"So who do you want to be?" He asks as we pull into the Halloween store.

"I'm not sure yet. Maybe a zombie or something?" He huffs at me grabbing my hand dragging me into the store.

"That's boring think of something else." I reluctantly agree looking around the shop. I couldn't find anything I like tell Bad came over with his costume.