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First Aid - Winter Anderson

sorry bout my head, it's not here
i'm still learning how to fear
i'm too spirited for one of a kind
about my head, it's all near
but i'm still learning how to steer
it's a miracle that i still oblige, oblige

You felt empty. You felt like a shell. A waste of space. Like nothing you did mattered, and it never would. Everything was dark, and pointless. You didn't have a reason to keep living. And no matter how hard you searched for it, you still haven't found it. You were beginning to feel as if the whole thing was pointless. There would never be anything worth living for. You were just counting the days until you ran out. Expired. Ceased to exist. But then, you met her. And everything changed.

sorry bout my head, it's in space
i'm still learning how to pace
i'm too atheist to pray for my life
about my head, it's on straight
but i'm all over the place
i'm too make-shift for shaping a life

Meeting Winter changed your life. She became your reason. The only person who you loved. And the only person who loved you. It was a miracle. You had found a reason to hold on. A reason to be happy. A reason to want to keep living. She made you happy. She made you feel loved. She made you feel safe. You've never felt like that with someone before. It was a freeing feeling. You stopped counting the days. It didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was the here and now. Just being with her. That was enough for you. She was all you needed.

i pledge my love
to the runt who never got away
i mend my cuts for the runt
that you convinced to stay
to stay

But then you met Kai. She only wanted to introduce the two of you, since he never stopped asking her about you. But the second he laid eyes on you, he knew you were special. Different. You had pain. Anger. Strength. He needed that. He needed you. So he asked you to join him and his movement. You accepted, not really feeling like you had a choice. You didn't want to risk doing anything to lose Winter. But you didn't realize just how much this decision would hurt her.

where is your head? i don't fret
i'm just asking for a friend
he's got enemies that beckon the light
his name is bren, don't forget
an irrational lament
that you left for him on benedict drive

It was fun at first. Exhilarating even. Breaking the law. Getting away with it. Making people fear you. This was your purpose. This is why you were here. Your whole life had led up to this moment. And you couldn't be happier. All this time with Kai, also allowed you to spend more time with Winter. The two of you were always together. But yet, you couldn't be farther apart. You had changed, you were different. The spark in your eyes was gone. It had been replaced with a flame. Pure anger and passion. You didn't think things through anymore. You didn't care about the consequences. Not until it took the thing you loved the most.

i pledge my love
to the runt who never got away
i mend my cuts for the runt
that you convinced to stay
to stay

"This isn't like you y/n. He changed you. I mean look at yourself. Can't you see what you're doing. It's wrong," Winter said to you.

"No, you're wrong. This is what I was meant to do. This is my purpose. I have to do this."

"Please, just listen to yourself. This isn't your purpose. Come with me, please. We can get out of here. Go somewhere new. Start over."

"Winter-"

"Y/n please. I love you."

"I can't Winter. I can't just leave. This is the greatest thing I've ever been a part of. I can't just abandon it."

do you remember them?
the blind, they paid no mind
you wrap me up
split on the cusp
and just in time you made it right
you wrap me up

You've been drifting apart. Winter barely even talked to you anymore. You weren't the same person she fell in love with. She just wished that you could see that. She wanted you back. The only thing she wanted was to change things. To never introduce you to Kai. Maybe the two of you would still be happy. Still be in love. But she couldn't. And no matter how hard she tried, you never believed her. You hadn't changed. This is who you were. Who you always would be. And if she truly loved you, she would accept you the way you were. But what you didn't realize was that she did. She loved you. The real you. Not the person you were becoming.

i won't forget about the way
you saved my life
you wrap me up
you wrap me up
you wrap me up

And then it happened. You woke up. You changed. You remembered who you were. You realized just how bad this truly was. And how deep you were in. The kool-aid. You could've died. But you just blindly followed him. It was all a trick. He was testing you. Of course you passed. And that scared you. You were ready to throw your life away, for him. You didn't want that. You didn't want this anymore. So you had to change it. You planted a fake bug. You had to get Kai to turn on his own men. Maybe everything would fall apart, and you and Winter could finally get out of here. But your plan went wrong. Horribly wrong.

first aid
first aid
first aid
first aid

"CONFESS!"

"I CAN'T!"

You watched with wide eyes as the scene unfolded in front of you. He thought it was Winter. He thought she was the weak link. The one who turned them in. He wrapped his hands around her throat and strangled her. She clawed at his wrists, but to no avail. She was dying. No, this wasn't supposed to happen. You were supposed to run away with her. You were supposed to be together forever. She was the only person you've ever loved. She had saved your life. And now she was dead. Because of you.

i would slit my wrists
and reminisce it if it wasn't for my sis
she's got heart the size of I-95
i drive