Saving Me

Chapter 15

WARNING!!!!!

There is going to be a bit of self-harm in this chapter. I will tell you when it starts and when it stops. PLEASE, and I mean PLEASE, skip it if it will cause triggers. Trust me, I've been there, so please just skip it. You won't miss anything.

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It's been 2 hours since Callie left, and I haven't left the spot on the floor. I haven't stopped crying, My whole body physically hurts. How could she do this to me after everything I told her. I feel so broken. I needed this pain to stop. I was ready to tell her I was in love with her, but instead, I found out she's already married and has a kid! what kind of person does that, gets into a relationship with someone else, stringing them along, making them believe what they had was special, when they already have a family.
I forced myself to stand up, my legs shaking underneath me, struggling to hold my weight. I walked slowly to the kitchen and opened my alcohol cupboard, glad to see a vodka bottle and a bottle of wine. I picked up both bottles and headed upstairs, tears still pouring down my face. I took my clothes off, leaving me just in my underwear and climbed into bed.

All these questions flooded my mind. Why did she not tell me? How could she do it? Did she actually like me? Was this just a game to her? So many questions. But I'm too scared to find out the answers.

I opened the bottle of wine and started drinking it, like it was water. I love the way it warmed my body with each sip. It didn't take me long to finish the bottle, and I was already starting to feel quite drunk, probably because I haven't eaten anything. I opened the vodka and started drinking it neat. After the first few sips, the burning sensation started to subside, which made it easier to down.

TRIGGER WARNING!!! STOP

Normally, by now, the pain would start to ease, but it wasn't. Everything was hurting, I can't take it anymore. It was all too much. All the pain and hurt reappearing from Carina, and now all this new pain from Callie, I can't handle it.

I can't make any sense of all this. Nearly 3 months, I feel like such a fool, thinking that someone like Callie could actually want to be with me. Carina was right. No one would want me. I picked up the vodka and headed to the bathroom. Next thing I know, I have a razor in one hand and the bottle in the other. It's been 3 years since I last cut myself. Lexi stopped me, relapsing after Carina, never left me out of her sight. Making sure there was nothing sharp near me. She was especially more careful when I tried to end it. Now, however, she isn't here, and I'm glad, I need this pain to stop even just for a short time.

I slid on the floor, took a few big gulps of the wine, and placed it next to me. I then took the razor to my bare thigh, knowing it would hurt more as it was more sensitive. I dragged the blade across my thigh, wincing as it cut my skin, making my normally pale skin turn red as blood instantly poured out from the cuts. The relief was instant. The pain of my skin cutting was overtaking the pain of everything else. One, two, and three..With each cut, the pain became more bearable. I drank more vodka before continuing on my other thigh. Blood was all over the floor, but I didn't care. I'd rather feel this pain than the heartbreak that I'm currently experiencing. I was staring to feel really sleepy, not sure if it was the alcohol, the blood loss, or both, but I let it consume me as I let my eyes flutter shut.

SAFE TO READ!!

"Amelia, quick, she's in the bathroom." I hear someone shout. I slowly opened my eyes in time to see Lexi rushing over to me.

"Shit, Arizona, what have you done?" she says, I look up and see tears rolling down her cheeks. She pulls me into her, and I just stay there, numb not being able to move. I don't know how long I was there, but some of the blood was already drying.

"Lexi," Amelia says, running into the bathroom, stopping abruptly as she sees me.

"Oh, Arizona," she says, kneeling next to me.

"Amelia, what are we going to do with her?" Lexi cries. I knew she didn't just mean now, but in general.

"It's okay, Lexi, she's going to be okay." Lexi doesn't reply, just pulls me into her closer.

"Arizona love, let's get you cleaned up, okay?" I see Amelia walk to the sink and turn the tap on. She gets a towel and wets it before coming back to where I was sat. She gently wipes the dry blood off my legs. I wince every time she cleans a cut but doesn't move.

"I'll just go see if she has any bandages," Amelia says before walking out of the bathroom.

"Why did you do this? Why didn't you call me?" Lexi cries. I can hear in the voice that she is crying.

"s-sorry," I manage to whisper, not sure if she could hear me. She must have because she placed a gentle kiss on my head and began stroking my hair. A few minutes later, Amelia came back.

"Luckily, they aren't that deep, so they should heal fine," she says before gently wrapping bandages around my legs.

"Let's get her into bed," Amelia says. Lexi then lifts me up and carries me to my bed. Placing me gently on the mattress. She tries to move away, but I stay gripped to her top.

"I'll stay with her tonight," Lexi says.

"Okay, I'll clean the bathroom, and I'll stay in the spare room."

Lexi crawled in next to me, wrapping her arms around me, placing my head on her chest before pulling the blankets over us. It didn't take me long to fall back asleep.

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so ... it took me like 2 days to decide whether or not to post this chapter or change it completely, but I stuck with it. I'm still not 100% sure, but yeah, let me know what you guys think.

and please, if anyone feels like that, then feel free to message me, etc. I've been there and know what it's like, so don't be scared to message me :)
thanks again for reading