One, two butterflies

Chapter 1

15 years

The shoelace tightly dug into her neck closing her airways from the unwanted oxygen. Two bare feet hovered above the bedroom floor. Her fists tightened and her toes curled up fighting for air. With her eyes closed shut, she could only hope it would end before the lace began to tear, before anyone could barge into her room, before her mind tricked her to stop what she was doing. The room was completely dark, all windows were closed shut and her door was locked. The weakening heartbeat boomed into her ears calling for help.

Chaeyoung could feel as her body began to give in and stop fighting against the lace. A feeble but dazed smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. All her agonizing memories and thoughts began to race through her mind. She held on to nothing but a bitter relief she would never live to feel.

Her head ached after spending hours crying and screaming before finally deciding to do it. Chaeyoung was tired of the exhaustion. Those thin fingers of her's shook and her legs began to involuntarily kick. Her eyes opened to see her piano against the corner of the room, written music and notes she couldn't make out rested on the black and white keys. In her mind, she listened to beautiful melodies playing.

On her bed laid a mess of sheets and pillows that held secrets she was too shamed to share with anyone. Dried hidden bloodstains only seen by her eyes stained her mattress. Scars on her skin made by her very own hands remained buried underneath the many sleeves she always wore. The pills that failed her once remained on her nightstand, she looked at them with a revenge like look.

Her mind was at fault for these actions, her soul payed the price for its never ending guilt.

A fifteen year old girl who couldn't bare the bad things deeply engraved into her mind, she found her self trapped in the suffocating darkness that chased her. She was tired of running away, she was tired of hiding.

Her very last thought before drifting off into unconsciousness was hating herself for not feeling sorry. Loathing herself even in what she thought to be her very last breath because it was the only thing she was taught to do.

13 years

"No one will know" the boy said to her.

He smiled so devilishly yet it was a warm gesture towards Chaeyoung. In his hand, the thin pale boy held a juul he had purchased from an upper class man. After school was over, he had lead the girl out to a nearby alley surrounded by old looking buildings.

"I don't think it's a good idea" Chaeyoung looked around when hearing any sound from the nearby street.

Her friend, Yoongi was in her grade but a year older from getting held back during sixth. They were both a quarter into their eight grade year, a day before the younger girl's birthday.

"Just one little puff and I'll put it away. Come on, your birthday is tomorrow and I can't hang out. This is your early gift"

"Fuck it" Chaeyoung sighed, "give me that"

She took the e-cigarette and deeply inhaled, the vapor ran down into her throat so quickly she began to cough. It felt relieving to her. This was the first time she tried anything like this.

Yoongi laughed pushing her shoulder back, "Take it easy, will you?"

And so she tried it again, feeling even more relaxed than the first time. She threw her head back and breathed out a cloud of smoke. It tasted like blueberries and smelled like it too.

"Keep it" he said to her, "If you're going to get anything, come to me only, alright? Don't trust dealers. I'll see you Monday"

The boy hopped on his bike and rode out of the alley waving back with a friendly smile. He put his headphones on and blasted his favorite song to ride to. Chaeyoung's friend would get home to a drunk father and be hit until he feels like fainting from the pain.