29 » undeserving

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"Life went on, but it was never the same again."

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In a snap, Sunghoon had wrapped his fingers around my wrist. A tingling feeling of warmth and shock paralysed me, feeling him pull me towards him.

"I have been dreading to break this to you," His husky voice had dropped a few octaves lower, as if he was purposely challenging me to remain intact under his touch and the proximity of his body, "1st July 2011," He read out his thoughts, "It all changed that day."

I furrowed my eyebrows as I tried to recall. I was eight years old at that time, but not a single memory shining bright came as a result. Everything was hazy, my brain functioning at its capable best to make out something out of Sunghoon's few key words.

What changed? What happened that day, that changed his everything?

Sunghoon took in a deep breath, obviously seeing me struggle. His black tresses brushed his forehead with every breeze that invited the hair strands for a little sway, fringing his cold icy gaze.

I had never paid attention to his eyes. They were beautiful. Each one of the pair told a different story. One that sought for warmth and love, a loving log of fire burning beyond the black iris of his eyes. While another one showed how the 25 years old man had his walls up, isolating himself from everyone's love.

Because maybe he didn't need everyone's love. He needed someone specific's love.

"Dr. Lewis," Sunghoon started, "The children's dental clinic, a gloomy boy, a sad emoji..." He trailed off, sucking in a sharp breath before he uttered the word leaving me completely baffled, "...Hoon."

My eyes widened as I remembered the very sombre nine year old boy from 2011, an unwelcoming cloud surrounding him, a sunken lifeless look in his eyes. His smile told how there was bright light awaiting to be escaped from behind that dark aura, a wild fire blazing behind the barrels of ice in his mocha eyes. That he wasn't the melancholy boy everyone claimed him to be.

"You're—" I choked out, "You're Hoon? Park Sunghoon is Hoon?" I asked with my eyelids parted hugely in disbelief. His subtle, short nod sent me clashing into an ocean of déjà vu, as memories I was sure I wouldn't have to dig for, now resurfaced.

The kid in the dental parlour had certainly occupied quite some part of my brain for years, a mystery unsolved about him intrigued me. All the years I had wondered who the boy was, where he was. Was he okay or was he the same I had left him with?

I couldn't believe that the skinny boy had now turned into a strikingly handsome young man, with a kind and angelic heart.

"Something tells me that this is the right time," Sunghoon started, his grip around my arm tightening itself, "The right time that you should be well aware of what you've fallen into, Areum."

I couldn't understand. I couldn't comprehend a single word he was saying, as I furrowed my eyebrows, "What do you mean..?"

"Areum, listen to me carefully." Sunghoon's firm voice was like a command to my brain, all my undivided attention scattering its way towards him.

He took a deep breath, ready to spill whatever was troubling him past so many days, before his ringtone interrupted the tense atmosphere.

Sunghoon cursed under his breath, loosening his grip around my arm to take out his mobile phone.

His body immediately tensed as he saw the caller, picking it up almost immediately.

Not giving him a chance to greet, the caller's shrill voice boomed through the speakers, "Sunghoon, where are you? Come fast please, he needs help! They won't admit him for long before someone fills out the form, please."

Even though the phone wasn't on speaker, the voice and the words it said could be clearly made out. It was a female's voice. Desperation laced within each of the syllable she pronounced, huffing in between as she struggled to fumble out a sentence. She clearly was in an emergency.

The words she said alarmed my senses, and Sunghoon's tense body told me whatever the news was, it wasn't good.

"Taehee, please calm down," Sunghoon said, "I'll come as soon as possible, please just manage till then—"

The alarm went off in my brain, panic taking over my senses as her name rolled out of Sunghoon's time.

"Taehee—?"

I was cut short as the said woman's voice blared through the speakers again, "Come fast!" She panted after which she hung up.

"What's going on?" I asked, trying to sound firm, but it came out more as a growl, not confiding the amount of disbelief and anger laced in each and every syllable I uttered.

"Areum, please—"

"Jaehyun," My eyes widened, "She was talking about Jaehyun, right?"

A rush of adrenaline ran through Sunghoon's veins, his eyes drooping almost immediately.

"Sunghoon speak—" I fumbled out, my heart beating loud and clear in my throat, as I shook his body to earn an answer, a reply, a nod, anything.

"Yes," He stuttered out, "But he'll be oka—"

"No.." I whispered, "Let's go," I started tapping my hands on his pockets, looking for the car keys. I wasn't in my right mind, just the thought of something happening to Jaehyun sent my brain in a state of emergency.
"The keys— Give me the damned keys!" I yelled at him.

Sunghoon was honestly scared of the behaviour that was being displayed, as the very knife of guilt that was hurting him before, twisted inside his guts, causing a tear slip down his eyes as he held the panicking girl's shoulder.

"Fucking listen to me, Byun Areum," He growled, "Nothing will happen to Jaehyun, just stay calm." He said, tucking my hair strands behind my ear, his gaze penetrating into mine.

Once I gave him a subtle nod, he let out a breath of relief, "Let's go, Jaehyun needs us." He grasped my hand, leading me out of the shore as I lifelessly followed.

Deep within Sunghoon knew he was in no place to comfort Areum when he himself was hurting so much. That he didn't deserve to hold her, touch her, or love her.

She was hurting because of him, and he was hurting because of her, yet neither of them could do anything to lessen the pain.



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A/N: Don't worry if you are not sure as to why Sunghoon is feeling guilty. Every fine detail will later make a big picture (:

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