My Enemy

Down with the Sickness

Sean hadn't uploaded any videos for a while now. 

Not since he let his egos go with Anti.

He hadn't even been on any social media to tell his fandom he wasn't going to be uploading anything for a while. 

He was just . . . . burnt out. 

That's what Evelien called it. Then again, she didn't know of the huge fiasco he had with his egos and he really didn't want to tell her.

He knew she'd just say something like, 'How could you have done that?' or 'That's what you get'

He didn't think she'd ACTUALLY say that to him so point blank but she wouldn't sugar coat it either. The jest- she'd be disappointed in him and that wasn't something he could handle right now.

Felix had been trying to message him but he just didn't feel like it.

Even Mark couldn't get ahold of him which was surprising since Mark was usually the one to never stay in touch with anyone anyway.

People were worried about him. But like hell he'd make them see he was hurting. He had done wrong and he deserved to suffer for what he did.

Sean's eyes wandered around his room. He had locked himself up in his office and laid on the couch on the other side of the room. He stared over at the small towering shelves of memorabilia and he couldn't help but feel sick to his stomach every time he saw the Septiceye Sam plushie and figurines.

Ever since that big fight, he had the sudden realization of what he had done. All this time, he thought he really had changed Sam into a monster. So much that he had a different name and shape. He never would have thought the real Sam was still in there. He had been too blind to see it. 

All this time instead, though . . . HE was the monster. Forcing his beliefs on Anti and the others. But it wasn't just that he didn't know.

It was the fact that he had changed Sam without his permission. Made him into the 'monster'. Made his brothers hate him.

It was Sean's strong belief that he'd never be forgiven.

But he was okay with that. He deserve to be.

'I'm such a fuck-up of a person. So fucking stupid' those thoughts rang in his mind on loop.

He had always been down in the dumps but he hadn't felt like THIS since his failing relationship with Signe.

He wanted to end it all but he also had no idea how it'd effect the egos. He didn't want to hurt them anymore than he already had. And Evelien. . .  although he was sure she could find someone way better than him, he knew she'd be heartbroken and he didn't want that. And his mother and siblings . . ..  he never really had a great relationship but all of them . .  but he didn't want to leave them just yet. And BB. Sean loved that cat so much and he knew he'd be depressed if Sean just up and killed himself.

What would his father think? 

'He'd probably scold me like the devil in hell where I belong. Looking down on me with disappointment. I wonder, would that be my hell loop?'

Sean shook his head, 'I need to stop thinking about stuff like that . . . .I should . . really do something productive or whatever'

But he just couldn't bring himself to even move.

And then just a few minutes later, there was a knock on his door.

"Sean? Sean, Evelien told me you're in there taking a nap or whatever."