HOWLINGS AND SHADOWS (Thindrel Howzit Hawthorne)

🐾XXXV. Goodbye🐾

Thindrel Howzit Hawthorne

I want to follow that van. Iyon ang unang pumasok sa isip ko. I just heard na ililibing na ang mga ito. The whole family of Vozenilek.

Marami ang nagtaka kung bakit wala ang kanilang ama. Many assumptions that says it was their father who killed them.

Sinundan ko ito pero dapat malayo lang. There's another ceremony in the cemetery before they were put inside the grave.

"Why are we still here? Lets join them", si Ilaria sa akin.

Umiling lang ako bilang sagot sa kanya. Nakatingin lang din naman siya sa mga tao na mukhang namamangha at parang ngayon lang nakakita ng ganoon karaming tao.

I bought a flower at the flower shop beside the cemetery. It's a bouquet of hugs red roses.

Ng mawala na ang mga tao ay doon pa ako bumaba para puntahan ang puntod ni Esmeray.

Umambang baba si Ilaria kaya mabilis ko siyang nilingon. "Please, stay here. I need to be alone", sabi ko at hindi na naghintay sa kanyang sasabihin kung sasang-ayon ba siya o hindi. Wala na akong pakialam doon.

I walk straight to where Esmeray's grave is. I put the flower above her gravestone.

Kusa nalang tumulo ang luha ko. Triggered emotions. Vampires doesn't have emotions but we have feelings.

Kahit saang anggulo ko tignan ay mahal ko pa rin ito. I may have killed her but I just did that because I feel bad, I was in rage at her for betraying me pero hindi ko inaasahan na ganito ang kalabasan ng lahat.

I didn't regret that I killed her. Like the things I said since day one. But I do regret that it happened. Sana hindi nalang kami tumuloy. Sana hindi nalang ako pumayag. Sana hindi nalang ako nagpakatanga sa pagmamahal ko sa kanya noon.

I was doubting how she manage to forgive me that fast. Sa isip ko ay sigurong totoo na mahal niya ako. I have a bad feeling about it pero binaliwala ko dahil mahal ko.

"I'm so sorry, my love", sabi ko sa harapan ng kanyang puntod. "I'm so sorry that something like this happened between us".

Tears escape from my eyes. Ilang sandali pa akong nakaupo sa harapan ng kanyang puntod until the sky becomes dark. Hindi dahil pagabi na, kundi dahil uulan.

"Goodbye, Esmeray".

I walk fast towards the car. Nakita kong nakatingin lang si Ilaria sa labas ng bintana. Ng naramdaman na pumasok ako sa sasakyan ay tsaka naman siya lumingon sa akin.

"Its going to rain", aniya.

Tumango lang ako. "Is it okay if I just sleep first? I don't think I can drive", sabi ko.

I'm emotionally drained. Kakapagod mag-isip.

She nodded. "Yeah. You should take a rest", she then smile at me.

Hindi ko masuklian ang bawat pag ngiti niya. It all looks so geniune. At hindi ko mapantayan ang ganoong ngiti. She just looks so happy and I do look miserable.

I drove through meters away from the cemetery. Palabas na ng bayan. Inihinto ko ito sa tabi ng daan bago ipinikit ang mga mata. I need to let this emotions go. Nakakapagod bitbitin. I should accept that it happened. It's all in the past now at hindi ko na maibabalik pa. Dapat ko nalang tanggapin ang kapalaran ko at ang kabayaran sa aking nagawa.

Ilaria Lorenzittee

I have no idea what Thindrel is going through but I can read emotions from his eyes. He's sad. And eternal sadness is consuming him. Ramdam ko iyon simula noong nagkakilala kami that's why I tried to ba as jolly as possible so he'll notice it.

Nakakapagod ang byahe. Pero alam kong mas pagod siya. He's the one who's driving the car. At ako ay nakasakay lang. I want to offer him that I'll drive. I know how to but the problem is hindi ko naman alam kung saan papunta ang sa kanila. And I know he won't allow it.

Mabilis siyang nakatulog siya. Napatitig ako sa kanya at napangiti. He really is so handsome.

His thick eyebrow furrowed like he's very disappointed. His long lashes and deep eyes, they look mesmerizing. His long and narrow nose suits his face perfectly. And his kissable thin lips looks so soft.

Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa kanya para mas matitigan pa siya ng mabuti. I haven't seen anyone as perfect as him. Except from my cousins and my uncles. They are all perfect too.

My eyes drop from his eyes to his lips. How does it feel to kiss someone? I haven't done it in my entire life. His lips looks so soft and I wanna taste it and confirm if it is soft as my imagination.

Umamba akong hahalikan na sana siya but I heard him saying things. Tiningnan ko ang mga mata niya kung gising ba siya pero hindi naman. He is dreaming.

Tear escaped from his eyes. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, my love. I'm really am sorry", iyon ang mga katagang binigkas niya.

Napaatras kaagad ako. So he fell in love before? With whom?

Doon na nag sink in sa akin lahat. The burial, the grave and the red roses he bough is all for his friend which happened to be his girlfriend or.... Beloved?

Patuloy ang pag-agos ng luha niya. Kahit sa panaginip ay naroon ang babae. If he love her dearly, what about me?

Tama nga naman kasi. Mali ang ideya na sumama ako sa kanya. I shouldn't have let my feelings consume me that much if I don't want to hurt myself.

Ilang sandali lang ay nagising siya. Hindi ko na siya nilingon pa. My chest is hurting, big time.

I heard him breathed heavily like he just woke up after some long dream. Nakatitig lang ako sa labas ng bintana at pilit na inaliw ang sarili sa mga nakikitang mga sasakyan na dumadaan.

"Lets go", sabi niya at ramdam ko ang paninitig niya sa akin.

Tumango ako at hindi siya nilingon. "Okay", I said and lean on the glass window and close my eyes as a single tear escape from it.