HOWLINGS AND SHADOWS (Thindrel Howzit Hawthorne)

🐾XXXVII. Honesty🐾

Thindrel Howzit Hawthorne

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula sa pag kwento sa kay Ilaria. I just know that she deserve to know the whole truth so I decided to tell her from the very beginning. Nakikinig rin naman siya sa akin at kita ko sa kanyang mga mata ang pagkainteresado sa pakikinig.

"Esmeray was my beloved", paunang sabi ko.

I saw her directing her eyes on me. Malungkot siyang ngumiti but she didn't say anything like as if she wants me to continue.

"I meet her in school when I run away from home because I want an independent life. I don't like her at first because she's a human and I'm not really a fan of love...", huminga ako ng malalim.

"But then, as the days goes by. I learned to love her but not fully trust her. She always talk a lot about vampires and she said they're real. She hates them kaya hindi ko masabi sa kanya kung anong totoo sa akin. One day, I just realize that I miss home. If she can't accept me then I should go home since my family is here. But I love her. So much that it's hard for me to leave her".

Ilaria close her eyes and turn to the other side. I know what she's thinking.

"After the coronation. I came back for her. I want to take her with me and ask her to live with me. She didn't acceme at first. She's angry and I understand her. After two days, I thought she finally realize that she still loves me and asked me to stay. I agreed because that's what I want to. I want to stay with her but not in Sighisoara, but here. So she asked me to introduce myself to her parents before we leave the town so she can have her proper goodbye. And that where things get out of hand".

Nanatiling nakapikit si Ilaria.

"She suddenly wants to kill me to avenged her dead friends which I killed unintentionally and intentionally. She bath me with vervain, stuffed my mouth with vervain, and stab my back with silver knife. It was hard. I was so painful. I'm willing to die for her, but not that way when she's trying to kill me. I need to do something, to survive. I can't abandon the throne. I can't let my parents mourn for my death. So I turned my humanity off and mercilessly killed them. After that. I feel so guilty. I killed the woman who's meant for me. I killed my beloved".

I didn't cry. Tapos na akong umiyak. Tapos na akong lumuha para doon. That's why I'm willing to open up to Ilaria dahil alam kung tapos na ako doon.

"But right now. I'm done mourning for her death. I'm done blaming myself. I'm done with the pain", sabi ko.

I extended my arm and hold Ilaria's hand. Kaagad naman siyang napadilat at napatingin sa akin. Her eyes were bloodshot. Tears pooled her eyes.

"I'm sorry for not telling you this earlier. I just don't know where to start and I don't know how to open up to you".

Umiling siya sa akin. She smile sadly at me.

"I know. And I'm sorry for how I acted. I don't know your story. But right now, alam ko na. And I understand you. If I'm in your shoe, I'd probably do the same thing", huminga siya ng malalim. "Thank you for your honesty, Thindrel. It's just so hard to love someone who has a secretive past", she chuckled.

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Do you seriously meant what you said? Do you love me?", I asked.

Kita ko ang pamumula ng kanyang pisngi at nag-iwas ng tingin. I put my index finger under her chin and lift her face to turn to me.

"Answer me. With all honesty, Ilaria. Are you true?", I asked.

I'm traumatized by the past. Esmeray told me she loves me but she betrayed me and wasted my love for her. Alam kung hindi magagawa ni Ilaria iyon but I can't take risk. I want to know if her feelings are real and I'm still not ready to commit just because she loves me. I want to commit because I love the person.

"Yes, Thindrel. I felt it the first time I lay my eyes on you. I already did. I already fell", nahihiyang pag-amin niya.

I squeeze her hand. "If that so. Can you wait for me? Are you willing?", I asked.

Her face lighten up. Ang kaninang malungkot na ngiti ay napalitan ng saya. I saw how happy she is when she looks at me.

"Of course. I know you needed time to heal", aniya sa akin.

Ngumiti ako sa kanya. I pull her close to me and hug her. Mahigpit ko siyang niyakap.

"Thank you. I thought I'd never feel this way again. Thank you for giving me a chance to love again, Ilaria", sabi ko.

"No. Thank you for giving me a chance to prove myself how much I feel about you, Thindrel. Mahal kita and I'm willing to wait for you", sabi niya.

Tumawa ako. "I should be the one who'll wait and not you".

She chuckled but didn't say a word.

"You need to sleep now. Maaga pa tayo bibisita bukas sa kanila Claudette", sabi ko.

Umiling naman siya sa akin. "Oh! No. I told Claudette we'll visit her some other day. I want to stroll around Moldova first. Will you tour me around tomorrow?", she asked cutely.

Napangiti ako. "Of course, I will. But will Claudette be mad if we don't visit her tomorrow?".

She just laugh. "She's the one who encourage me to enjoy here first. Sabi daw kasi ni Dwayne ipasyal mo daw muna ako para naman worth it ang bakasyon ko dito".

Ngumuso ako. "Vacation? Aalis ka rin?".

Pinitik niya ang noo ko. "Silly, if you talk to dad and ask for my hand Ill probably stay for good. Pero malayo pa iyon. I still have enough time here to make you fall for me real hard", sabi niya at umirap. "Good night, love", she joked.

"Good night", sabi ko naman at lumabas sa kwarto niya.