Regardless

Chapter 3: Demons of mine.

Jahseh messaged me and told me that he'd pick me up at 10:00 am. He also told me to dress casually and reminded me of how beautiful I looked last night.

The thing is though, I'm stuck to my bed. The first and only movement I have made since 7:30 this morning is to pick up my phone.

I've had three panic attacks just lying here. I ran out of meds and I forgot to replace them yesterday. My world is spinning and the sun is burning me on my bed because I forget to close my window. However, I refused to move.

My tears have surely stained my face by now but they won't stop falling. Jasmine is yet to arrive but it's nothing new. Sometimes she's here and sometimes she's not. I feel nothing. The emptiness is unrealistic but all too real at the same time. I feel excruciatingly numb.

Its 9:55 and my phoned pinged. Knowing that it's Jahseh saying that he has arrived and hoped that he just goes away, I stayed in the same position.

I heard repeated knocks at the door. Thank God Aunt Delia is probably still out whoring or her fast ass would have opened the door.

A few minutes had passed and so did many notification alert sounds on my phone. It stopped and that also meant Jahseh had given up. The thought made me cry harder but I still laid stationery.

The sound of footsteps at my door stopped my ugly sobbing. My heart raced as my door slowly creaked open after the nub rattled for a bit.

I was thoroughly surprised to see Jahseh standing in my doorway, his eyes scanning my frame and the condition of my bedroom.

I automatically felt ashamed. I haven't cleaned since I moved here 5 months ago. It smells like drying weed and depression. I wanted to roll into a ball and disappear, but I made no effort to move.

"Good Morning, why you look like that?" he finally spoke up, in his husky voice, his face etched with concern.

I simply huffed, my tears never subsiding.

Crossing over the draw I left on the floor yesterday, he came and sat on the edge of my bed, near my feet. " Don't be like that, Tell me who I gotta kill...but don't do that," he said in a playful tone.

"This how I am" I mumbled..."Kill me".

"I ain't playing no more, tell me why you crying baby"

"I don't fucking know myself okay...Don't you see I have issues? I have fucking issues! I don't know. I just don't know!" I exclaimed crying harder.

"Don't cry. We will work whatever it is...but this what you doing here...will not help your problems." He said holding my hand.

"Secondly baby...you too pretty for this. And this room is too damn hot. Come on..get up!" He stated in a serious tone as he stood up and began pulling off my duvet." I was gonna take you to the beach but we gotta clean your room. It smells like old white people and healing weed up in this bitch."

He put the fan on and opened the rest of my windows then disappeared into my bathroom, where I heard falling water.

As he returned, his foot hit a random pile of clothes and he almost fell over. I snickered as he grumbled something about his point is proven.

"Or so you gon stare at me and laugh but not get up or acknowledge me " He briskly walked towards me and scooped me up in his arms like I weighed nothing. I groaned as he took me to the bathroom at sat me by the counter, near the sink.

He wiped my teary face and eyes.
"You are going to take a bath after I leave this bathroom. There will be clothes on your bed waiting. I am going to get you breakfast and some snacks. You will eat and then we will clean yo junkyard." He stated as he watched me in my eyes . It amazes me how he sounds like a Corporate Hood Nigga. One minute he's all proper then he's hood rat, I don't get it but it's cute or whatever.