Regardless

Chapter 29: She calls me Daddy.

Same Night.

"Well Good Night, Jahseh and I are heading in, "I said to my parents holding my man's hand. We were in the kitchen sitting and trying to come up with detailed plans after eating homemade pizza.

 "Waitt, "my father said making us turn around, "Where y'all two niggas going together? Daniella you best find somewhere else to sleep. Best stop acting grown up in this motherfucker," he said with a serious expression. I laughed but when I realized they were both serious, I sobered up and my anger rose.

"I am grown," he opened his mouth to talk but I cut him off, "Don't cut me off, Respectfully sir. I have been showing up for me a while now. I'm as grown, as grown finna get. Now this here my man, and imma sleep with him, by him and on top of him if I want. You don't get a say. I'm willing to build a relationship with you, but when it comes to me, imma do me."

"Who you talking to like that yo? You smelling yourself?"He riled up walking around the aisle and standing in front of me. My mother whispered his name, bending her head as if she was ashamed but he ignored her continuing, "I know you been on your for a Lil bit but you e'rything but grown, You a child till that clock strike 12 on the 22nd, "he mugged.

"Nigga, you don't get to-" he raised his hand to slap me. I flinched but the blow never came. 

When I opened my eyes, Jahseh was throwing his hand away from my face, "Don't be touching her like that Taco. It ain't your place."

My father didn't want to hear that though, he pushed Jahseh against the wall in a chokehold. Jahseh laughed in his face and seemed to add gas to the blazing fire.

"That's my little girl you talking 'bout Lil bitch!"Rice shouted in his face.

"She calls me Daddy ya old bitch, "Jahseh threw a punch at him, getting away from him. 

I went to my man, holding his hand, making sure he was good. My mother's head was in her hands as she shook her head. 

"Daniella, I don't want you sleepin' in da same room with that boy," Dad said firmly, "It was all fun and games but you done fucked up now. Have some respect for me, I'm ya father."

"The thing is, ya lost that title a Lil while ago, "I looked him up and down, "I was abused under y'alls roof? Do you know that? You failed to protect me. YOU DON'T GOT NO SAY!"I yelled at the end, tears were running down my face," And know that if you try me like that again imma shoot your sorry-ass hand right off. I'd be damned to have another man putting his hand's on me again!"

"What you talking bout yo?" he fumed, looking at me and then my mother.

"James, "I looked up at him.

He ran towards my mother, grabbing her by the throat, slamming her against the wall. He shook her and she grabbed at his hand, "You were home every day dawg, You- You were home!" Jahseh let go of my hand and went toward them, pulling him off. Money and the rest of them came by the door.

"Shut the fuck up Dawg!"I yelled at my father, "You not supposed to be angry! I got every right, but you, Nahhh, you had a job! And you weren't around to do it. I was crying by myself. When he finally left that room on evenings, his spirit was still there. I tucked myself into bed, and the closes thing I had to a bedtime story was nightmares. I knew sex toys but I couldn't play with the ones that y'all gifted me. I called that nigga Daddy more than I did you. I get to be ANGRY! I learned to suck dick when I was ten years old! I learned how to please a man before I knew how children came along! I was slung up like a pig at 11 and beaten because I got a sum wrong. He stripped me of my soul and I need you to understand that, that Lil nigga, "I pointed to Jahseh, "is the closest thing I have to a wholesome me. I wiped my own tears until he did. You know he was the first person that told me he loved me, and just that. Not 'it's a love' with a slap on the arm, DO YOU KNOW THAT!?" I waited for him to answer.

He had this broken look on his face, "You knew what I-"

"I wasn't supposed to know what you meant. You were supposed to tell me. And be there. Where was I going when you let her beat me huh? Where!?"

"Nowhere but-"

"Exactly. Make that shit make sense. It got no buts pops, It got no buts, "I cried, "I been down bad. So thank God for him, I been getting sleep. I don't wake up and wish to die every morning anymore. I sleep through the night now, with him by my side and ain't shit finna change to accommodate you." I walked out of the kitchen, looking him up and down, passing right by Erica and going to the backyard. 

After a bit, Jahseh came and held me from behind, putting his hands around my waist and his chin on my shoulder. Eventually, he turned me around, laying a kiss on my forehead, nose, then my lips, wiping my face "I love you, I love you so much. You know I can't stand to see you cry and you can't be making real niggas cry, that ain't smooth," he popped his imaginary collar.

"I love you too, "I sniffled, giggling.

Tuesday 3rd August.

"Baby, "I heard Jahseh call as I tried to stay asleep.

"Babe."

"Babe"

"Babyyyy"

"Babe"

"Daniellaaaaaa," he shook my leg.

"Erica, you'll have to come back later, My brick wall," he slapped my ass, "is still asleep."

"But I can't..I'm- I'm really pregnant and Kym is angry and I don't know why. And I need Daniella. She'll wake up, try again...please," I heard Erica.

"I'll take care ok Kym, it's not on you I'm sure Dora. Not stop crying, ya ugly enough.."Jahseh got off the bed and I groaned turning around, opening my arms to her. She laid down hugging me but she didn't say anything for a while.

"Am I going to be a good mom, like I never had anybody.."

"You finna be okay if anybody got this, it's you baby and you have me, I'll help."

"I'm scared."

"And that's okay. You'll get through this."

"This is so weird...I'm -"she was cut off but the ring of a gunshot.