Regardless

Chapter 7:His Demons.

14th June.

When I came to, I was lying on a bed in a black men's sweater and short basketball pants that fit my curves.

I didn't bother to panic because I remembered I was with Jahseh. I sat up and looked around the room to see him sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, his head propped on his left hand and gun on his lap. He changed his clothes and was now wearing basketball shorts with a matching black T-shirt. His eyes were closed but there were stress lines on his forehead. I couldn't help but notice the pills discarded to the floor, the container in his clenching hand.

"Baby," I murmured my voice, sounding foreign. His head flew up and he quickly came to my side, his gun still in hand.

"Are you okay?" He asked, handing me a bottle of water. He seemed fidgety.

"Yeah, what's wrong though?"

"Nothing, I was just worried about you," but I knew that was not all so I was going to press it because he's not okay.

" Come hold me, "I stated. He went to the other side, climbed up, sat next to me, and put his arm around my shoulders.

I grabbed the gun and placed it into the stand beside me. His free hand began to shake so I held it.

"Give it to me," he said demandingly. His voice was shakey yet strong.

" No, and don't ask again cause you ain't getting it," I said strongly.

He removed his hand from around me and brought his knees to his chest, rocking back and forth.

I gently rubbed the back of his hand with my thumb and brought his head to my chest, playing in his now loose hair. It was soft and wavy yet thick.

"He keeps talking to me mayne. He keeps fucking talking to me!"Jahseh shouted. I know the feeling all too well.

" What's he saying?"

He chuckled humorlessly, "That I can't take care of shit. That I won't amount to anything. Why the fuck is he still in my head?! I got all this shit and nothing doesn't change. why do I still feel like shit? He was fucking right Mayne. I proved him right. I wanna get out that fucking basement and no matter what I do I'm still there. Why can't I get away from that nigga?!"

He paused wiping his face.

"He said I killed her. I swear I didn't. I didn't babe. He said I killed my baby. I didn't! That was my chance to do something right and that bitch fucked it up! So why the fuck do I feel guilty bout that shit ?! Babe I would never kill Tracy. I built that fucking room right there!!," he pointed to the wall, which I guess he's referring to as another room. So Tracy's his daughter and her mother is a bitch. And she's the bitch that hurt my man..okay."

"Why would I kill her!? Why the fuck would I kill her? And now he's telling me bout you. I can't take care of you! How am I gon take care of you?! It hurts but he's right!"

My heart goes out to him. I know what it's like when someone negative in your life becomes a part of your brain. It affects the way you think and it just stays there!

" You're taking good care of me even if it's not ya job. I like you Jahseh and we'll deal with what comes with that, just as you do with me. I know it's not by choice but you don't have to question that."

He shook his head, stood up, and scrambled to get his pills off the floor. He opened his closet, grabbed another gun and a pair of J's, and walked out.

I don't know how to be there for him. I don't know if I did what was right. I hope I did. I probably didn't. What if I scared him? Does he still want me? Will he make me leave?