save [joshler]

panic attack

Tyler's pov

Month 20

Hey there. It's been a while since you've checked in, are you doing okay? I don't know why you think my life is even interesting enough to read about it, but if you need to take a break or a pause, go ahead! There's no shame in needing to take a pause. My life will be just as shitty (with a hopeful undertone) when you get back.

Speaking of my life, though, it's been getting better. Hence the hopeful undertone. I don't know why- oh who am I kidding, it's obviously been because of Joshua. He's been an amazing help, the way he supports me and comforts me when I'm distressed. He actually read a book or two on how to help and console people, survivors, like me.

He's an absolute blessing, I don't understand how I got so lucky. We've been dating around four months now and it's been... beautiful. The way he treats me is so foreign, I don't know even what to do with myself when he compliments me. I just get flustered and cry and he pulls me into a hug and lets me cry, sob even. He takes his time with me, he doesn't rush me or pressure me to do anything. Not like that, the way you're thinking, but when it comes to simple things; like what movie/show to watch, or where/what to eat, what music we listen to in the car. If I can't decide, or if I start to seem overwhelmed, he assures me that I'm doing a great job and that I'm okay. He normally picks it all because I can't handle things, but he gives me small, just enough, pushes to finding out what I want/like.

Sometimes, I'll hear him bragging about me to Debby or his coworkers. Actually, he's planning on taking me on yet another date tonight. He was on the phone with Debs yesterday, telling her all about his plans for tonight. He sounded like a high school girl excited about her first date with her boyfriend, it was so cute. When he gets really excited, his voice goes really high pitch and sometimes he talks really fast so it's hard to understand him, and Debs had to have him repeat the same sentence like, five times so she could understand what he was saying. It was very cute.

He's been trying to make a habit of taking me to dinner or lunch twice a week. Yes, we are blowing through money, but I got another part time job and he's working full time so we've been getting a little more money and he doesn't seem to have a problem with it. Or he just doesn't care, could be both. He also, when I'm at the gas station; my boss at the library doesn't like food being in the back, will bring me a homemade lunch. It normally consists of a pb & j sandwich or a salad with all my favorite fruits and veggies.

He's taking care of me. He's making sure I know that he loves and cares for me. He's putting effort into making me happy, and he's being consistent about it all. He's showering me in all this stuff that I'm so beyond not used to, but it's... nice. Fuck, it's more than nice. It's Joshua Dun, man. It's what he does. He'll go through Hell and back for you, just to see a smile. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I owe him my life.

//

"That's perfect, thank you." He said to the waiter.

The man placed the fancy glass of wine on our table, nodded, then walked away. I laughed at him and Joshua started pouring himself a glass of the liquid.

"Would you want a small cup, my love?" He asks.

"Joshua, you know I don't drink." I smile, shaking my head.

He smiles at me and raises his eyebrows. "You think I'd bring alcohol around you? It's just fruit punch."

I smile and slouch back in my chair. "I-I uh, y-yeah, I'd love a cup."

He nods and pour the drink in my glass then puts the bottle back on the table. "I called in beforehand to make sure they do stupid requests, like putting fruit punch in a wine bottle." He says.

I laugh and take a sip. He's the cutest ever, I love him so much. He said that he has a special announcement that he'll share with me at dinner so I'm excited, yet very nervous. He's very unpredictable so I have no idea what he has planned here.

"Well thank you for that. I really appreciate it, Joshua."

He smiles and nods. "Of course Tyler, anything for my love."

Just fucking punch me in the face and spit in my mouth, I'm in love with him.

"Shut the fuck up!" Someone yells across the room.

Me and Joshua look at the direction where it came from, trying to see who said that. There was another yell before we all heard a smack. A gasp was emitted from my mouth and a second later a man with jet black hair was being escorted from his table.

"Tyler?" Joshua says.

"I-is that..."

"Tyler, I think we should leave." Joshua says.

I look between him and the doors that are swinging back and fourth. "W-was th-that B-B-Brendon?"

When I look back at Joshua, he's not sitting in his chair. Suddenly, a hand is gripping my arm and pulling me out of my seat. I panic and go to hit the person, but they quickly grab my hand.

"Tyler, it's okay, it's just me." Joshua says in my ear.

My heart is racing and my knees feel weak, like they're just about to give out and make me collapse on the ground. I look at Joshua as my vision flattens and everything goes white.

//

"Tyler?" I hear Joshua say.

My eyes blink a few times, adjusting to the bright light. "J-Joshua?"

"I'm right here love, I'm right here." He says hugging me.

I'm laying down on a bed, a cold, wet, washcloth on my forehead. "Wh-what happened?" I ask.

"I think you had a panic attack, a very intense panic attack and you must have passed out." He pulled away.

"Are we home?"

"Yes, I made sure to get out of there as fast, and as safe as possible."

I smile at him and nod. "Thank you, Joshua."

He runs his hand on my cheek and I melt into his touch. "Of course, anything for my love."