The Psychology of Love

Chapter 6 Mirroring

Chapter 6    Mirroring

"Nov. 12, 2021, 11:50 a.m., Lietzensee Park: first analysis meeting with YU Teng.

Today's session proceeded in silence for 43 minutes. During this phase, a transmission took place from YU. I perceived the transmission. It was reflected back to me. In the following, the analysis will be in the form of a dialogue," Sam speaks into the voice recorder and puts the running device into his breast pocket.

YU looks at him with wide eyes. He doesn't quite know how to react now. Should he react at all?

Sam sees the uncertainty in YU's eyes and makes the first move:

"There are very old trees here in the park. Let's walk slowly and talk about our feelings. Direct your gaze to the trees. That will help."

YU nods and looks at the lake. The brown of the numerous leafless trees as well as the gray of the sky are reflected on the surface of the water.

On the other shore of the narrow lake, old houses are lined up.

With ornate facades, in the old style.

On the shore, weeping willows blow fine waves into the water.

YU is moved by the sight of the weeping willows.

The tallest trees reach high up to the rooftops.

The gray clouds contrast with the warm colors of the rooftops.

Sam sees YU's look and decides to start again.

"The waving branches belong to the weeping willow, they're here on this side of the river too. And that's where I live up there," Sam says, pointing his finger at the terrace of one of the old building roofs YU just admired.

And he manages to win YU over.

"That's where you live? Up there? With that view?" exclaims YU, visibly excited.

And Sam knows now that letting YU into his inner circle was the right thing to do.

How else will they be able to relate to each other?

He has to give YU something to get involved with.

He should trust him. Not just as a therapist.

"I'm just realizing something important we need to talk about," Sam says with his head turned to his breast pocket.

YU turns his gaze back to the landscape.

"YU, right when we first met, I was overcome with deep emotion. I found that you were transmitting something to me. I was so surprised that I was unable to make sense of my countertransference. I lost control and you caught me. That was the moment I decided to incorporate this new insight into the research project. The Sessions are not classical psychoanalysis. We will not stare into fixed roles.

You are a therapist, as well as a patient.

I am therapist, as well as patient.

The intensity of my emotions, reflected as a reaction, showed me that together with you I have to listen deeper inside me.

Even though shame got the better of us last time, in today's session it was your resistance," Sam says as he clasps his hands behind his back and walks along the shore with YU.

"I was too early already, waiting outside the door. The whole way from home to college, I was trying to calm myself down. I was excited and anxious.