The Psychology of Love

Chapter 39 Goodbye

Chapter 39   Goodbye

Sam opens his eyes and sees YU.

He is sitting on the floor in front of the bed. His knees are pulled against his body. His arms encircle his shins. His hands are on his knees. And his pointed chin rests his stunning face on his hands.

Sam sees YU's cat eyes resting on him and smiles.

"You don't watch others sleep, Turtle," he growls softly.

YU chuckles and hides his face on his hands.

"And why are you even dressed again?" growls Sam, grabbing YU's arm and pulling him to him in bed.

The very small bed.

And so YU snuggles in close to Sam's body. Just close enough for their bodies, which have become one, to have enough space around them on the single bed.

He nests in his place of safety and breathes Sam's warmth.

Sam surrounds YU with all the possibilities of his body. He hugs him close. Wants to feel his heartbeat.

YU's full hair tickles his face. He runs his fingers through the soft black, breathing in the fruity scent of happiness.

"How long was I out?" growls Sam.

His deep voice usually leaves a mark on YU's body, too. His growl after getting up makes YU's senses vibrate.

YU starts giggling at Sam's neck, triggering a tingling flight of delight all over his body.

"That last round knocked you out," YU purrs softly against Sam's ear.

And giggles with a hot breath.

Sam's heart skips several beats.

Taming. He has to restrain himself.

He feels the floods rushing inside him.

Feels all his senses absorbing YU's nearness.

And the movie in his head demands a sequel.

The consuming feeling of attraction.

Sam's breathing becomes heavier.

YU notices the color change in the nearness Sam and smirks.

He sets his face in front of Sam's.

"I cooked us something. You need to be strengthened.", he smiles at Sam.

Sam kisses him tenderly. Lets himself be intoxicated by his taste.

"That's all I need." he growls, pressing YU closer with demanding fingers, grinning.

YU's body responds. He feels himself craving more.

But his mind follows his heart.

"You're going to eat first. I still want you all my life. I'll take care of you," YU says with wide eyes.

Sam smiles and kisses him.

"What's for dinner?" he pouts grumpily.

YU kisses his pouty lips and breaks free from his embrace.

"Just something simple. Chahan.", he gets out of bed, "Come on, slug, get up!", he says and walks towards the kitchen.

"Wait!" shouts Sam, jumping out of bed. "I love egg rice. My grandma used to make me chahan." he gloats and rushes to YU.

In the hallway, he finally gets a hold of him.

"I'm so looking forward to your chahan.", he beams at YU, "But I'm going to hop in the shower real quick first."

Sam gently pulls YU to him.

"Do you want to join me, maybe?" he murmurs in YU's ear.

YU feels the waves reach his lap.

He takes a step back and allows himself to be intoxicated by the sensual sight of Sam's aroused body.

Finally, he looks into his alluring eyes again.

He does not dare to breathe. Any movement would suck him into the waves of his attraction.

Sam sees his inner struggle and decides to be good.

"It's okay. You're right. To satisfy your hunger, I need to be stronger.", he laughs and goes to the bathroom.

YU is still standing in the hallway, grinning wildly.

What can he do about it? It's Sam's fault that he feels such hunger.

And after every feast, he's hungrier than before.

He stands in the hallway and shakes his head in disbelief.

His hungry center is still intoxicated by the sight of his lover.

His mind forces him to get moving. He should put food for his mind brother.

And his heart flutters incessantly. Bubbles over. Wants to give his love the care. Only to him.

He wants to shower him.

With his love he wants to shower him.

It is Sunday, 11:47 p.m.

Carefree laughter can be heard in YU's kitchen.

YU and Sam are sitting at the small table by the window, eating Japanese-style egg rice with pleasurable sounds.

And as YU keeps bringing his chopsticks to Sam's mouth, satisfying his need for the pleasurable sounds that express Sam's delight, Sam remembers, with each bite he feeds YU, the crushing feeling when he rejected his pancake and thus him.

They both realize it.

Notice that there is no going back. That they have given themselves fully.

Need each other.

And as the meal revealed their love before them, only the empty plates remain in front of them, a wistful silence ensues.

They both know it. They have to admit it to themselves.

It's time to say goodbye.

Sam takes the initiative with a heavy heart. He has promised him. They have an agreement.

"What time does your first lecture start tomorrow?" he asks, breaking the silence.

"Not until 2 p.m. I have an appointment with Sam Lin at 10 a.m.," YU replies matter-of-factly.

Sam smiles warmly, unable to bear the silence.

"It's not like we can show up at the university together. I should get going." he explains, seeing YU's face wearing a sad haze.

"I don't want to either, but we have an agreement. I promised to give you time. Take your time.", Sam says lovingly, standing up, walking to his jacket in the hallway and returning to YU, who by now has his glazed eyes fixed on the empty plates.

Sam's heart stings at the sight. He runs up to YU, pulls him up and takes him in his arms.

"We can do this. Together we'll break the shackles and be free." he encourages him and kisses his head, "Your shackles run deep, YU. I have looked into the eyes of the dark forces controlling you. I will always stand by your side against them. Please, keep your promise. Here is the card of Dr. Katja Lambe. She is waiting for your call. Please let it be. I am yours. Always by your side. Please let it happen."

YU squeezes Sam even tighter and buries his face against his neck.

Sam puts the card down on the table and wraps his arms around YU's body again.

An eternally desired embrace of two sad lovers.

A goodbye to the beloved.