The Psychology of Love

Chapter 31 Returning Home

Chapter 31   Returning Home

It is 11:02 pm.

Sam and YU sit across from each other, full and smiling.

"That was really delicious.", YU says and leans back.

Sam sees a fog slowly settling in YU's eyes.

YU's journey led them here and now he has to return home.

"YU, the last stop today is my terrace. I'd love to show it to you," Sam says quietly.

YU smiles absently and Sam can tell he's losing himself right now. His psyche is ready. It is looking for time to process the serious events.

And Sam knows that together they must now make the journey back. The timelessness must now come to an end.

He wants to stand by YU's side as his ego takes the time to remember. To let the past pass in order to find himself in the present.

YU feels full. The pressure in his stomach fills him. His body is warm. He feels heavy.

Usually he was so weightless. Floated silently in life.

Invisible.

Now he sits on the floor. Is heavy and cannot float. He feels like a part of the whole. He too is subject to the acceleration of gravity.

He is attracted. Attracted by the warmth.

He imagines the warm earth under his fingers. The sun has warmed the fertile soil all day long. The individual grains of sand of life are warm and tickle his skin.

And he feels a light flicker within him. It wanders with him through the darkness. Shows him the way. He sees himself running happily after it. Wants to win it for himself. And the darkness is not as lonely as usual.

Suddenly he can no longer see his light. He finds himself in his darkness again. And feels himself in a large room. His feet feel the warm grains of sand of the day. They dig deeper and let the warmth flow into his body.

He feels the urge for more. He wants to touch them. He sits down and lets his fingers slide through the earth with his eyes closed. And the bright flicker behind his eyelids makes him see again.

He opens his eyes and sees Sam.

He is sitting across from him.

YU smiles.

And Sam doesn't take his eyes off YU for a moment as he orders and pays the bill.

He sees YU drift off with his eyes on the table.

And while the waitress talks incessantly while he's paying the check, Sam's heart stops when he sees YU slowly lift his head and smile at him.

His smile touches Sam. Touches him. Embraces everything in him.

Triggers in him the motherly superlatives of caring.

He wants to protect him. It was just too much. It's time to go home.

And Sam grabs YU's hand and shoulder, guides him out. Leads him down the path. Puts him in the car and lingers in front of his face before strapping him right in.

YU leans his head back and falls asleep.

Peaceful.

Sam lets YU's peaceful sight soothe him.

"I'll take you home," he whispers, kissing YU on the cheek.

The silence in the car lets Sam have his time, too.

He feels strong. And in joyful anticipation.

He will see the sun rise again.

He drives past the bright Brandenburger Tor, across the dark Tiergarten to the free Siegessäule. On the traffic circle of Ernst-Reuter-Platz, the colorful hostel of various faculties of the Technical University of Berlin, he turns into the old Bismarckstraße. Until finally, at the Lietzensee, he pulls into his rented parking space in front of his house.

Sam is relieved about this sensible investment. Parking spaces in Charlottenburg are in short supply.

Sam felt the numerous parking tickets he got for parking the wrong way before his sensible investment was a donation. A donation to Germany. For allowing him to arrive here. For being allowed to quench his thirst for knowledge. That education is available to everyone.

He has arrived here.

His home.

Even if he looks different. And that is sometimes shown to him. He does not feel marginalized. The others are much more so.

They don't see the advantages of their homeland. The possibilities. To arrive.

He gets out of the car and walks to the passenger door, opens it.

Notices the fruity scent of YU's hair.

A scent that he has now already locked into himself. Has memorized the individual components from its nuances.

He unbuckles YU, turns around and kneels down. He grabs YU's arms and carefully guides him to his back.

And when he is quite sure that he is carrying him safely, he straightens up and wants to take him home.

To let him return home.

Show him home.

He feels YU's steady breath on his neck and the familiar feeling of safety as he climbs the stairs to the 5th floor to his top floor apartment.

YU's sleeping body lies like a warm blanket on his back.

Each step Sam climbs with calm and deliberation.

And feels light.

Lighter.

Relieved.

In his apartment, he walks into the bedroom and carefully lays YU down in bed.

He takes off his shoes, then his jacket. Positions him comfortably and covers him up.

And as he's about to put his things away, out of YU's jacket falls his voice recorder.

Sam picks it up and gets lost in thought.

Recalls the moment he listened to YU's recording. The intense feeling of loss. How he couldn't put the voice recorder down.

The pain when he realized he had left YU behind.

His dream.

And he sees himself recording a message for YU on his terrace.

And he had already taken the step. Left him the dictaphone.

Everything seems to him since far away.

He does not know when the journey with YU began. He only feels the extent of the experiences.

So many experiences are burned into him.

Experiences.

Pure life.

As if they have known each other for a lifetime.

And life will give them even more.

He pauses for a moment and finally puts the voice recorder in the drawer of his side table. The time will come. YU will still get his recording.

He takes one look at the motionless YU and breathes freely.

A hot shower.

Home at last.